Okay, I guess the swaddle didn’t actually go anywhere for many families around the nation and the globe. However, new and experienced parents need go no further than their favorite parenting website or book these days to read about the wonders of wrapping their little one up tight. From Harvey Karp’s bestseller, The Happiest Baby on the Block, to the American Association of Pediatrics, experts are touting the use of a well-spun swaddle to reduce excessive crying and increase sleep efficiency in newborns.

While there is little debate about the value of swaddling, the act of swaddling can seem daunting at first. After all, you’re talking about wrapping a piece of fabric around your new squirmy bundle tightly enough to have it stay in place without it being too restrictive or hot. Oh, and can you make that organic?

Enter the Solana Swaddle. Here’s what we love about it. One. It’s big enough to actually do the things that all the swaddle instructions tell you to do but you can’t really do with standard sized swaddles (at least not on our 10+ pound test babies). Two. It stays in place. The fabrics are soft enough to be next to baby’s skin while having enough texture to grab onto itself, a real blessing for those parents with Houdini babies. Three. It doesn’t overheat. For winter babies who are sleeping in toasty homes dressed in cozy sleepers and for summer babies sleeping in hotter climes, Solana wraps provide the swaddle without the sweat. Since overheating has been linked to SIDS, this gives mom and dad reason to sleep easy too.

Solana Swaddle Wraps are made of lightweight muslins, gauze or organic cotton. At 45”X45”, these full squares of fabric double as nursing covers, stroller covers, and more. Some say it’s just a square piece of cloth but we say it’s a good night’s sleep. Everybody wins with Solana.

Have you foraged for edible plants along the roadside lately? How about recycling your dryer lint? No? Well, you will be happy to know that modern frugality doesn’t involve radical or extreme methods for saving a buck. Today’s frugal involves living within your means and enjoying a comfortable lifestyle with movies, dining out and vacations. Of course, the movie might be a $1 rental from a grocery store kiosk, the restaurant meal bought using a www.restaurant.com gift card and your hotel paid for with credit card reward points (or booked for an off-season stay).

My question to you is this: Do you consider yourself a frugal person? If not, why? What lifestyle choices have you made that keep you from being able to say you live frugally? For some, the word frugal has a negative meaning. They may associate it with a way of living that is so meager they can’t imagine it for themselves. These days, though, modern frugal is cool. It’s one of the most effective ways to live within your means and keep your family out of debt – all very cool things. Why pay more than you need to? The peace of mind that comes from living debt free is definitely worth the small steps it takes to live a modern frugal life.

A huge debt-free movement is spreading and there are many people out there who are completely out of debt – even their mortgages are paid off. We’ll have our only debt – our mortgage – paid off before our children go to high school in three years, which is really exciting! We have been living a modern frugal lifestyle for 10 years now and I can’t imagine living differently.

Can you say YES to any of the following? If so, you probably want to consider a modern frugal lifestyle:

· Are you struggling with debt (or have any debt at all, really)?
· Are you concerned that your job may be at risk?
· Are you unemployed and searching for a job?
· Are you living on a fixed income?
· Are you unable to afford health insurance?
· Are you worried about having enough money when you retire (aren’t we all?!)?
· Do you simply want to have more money at the end of each month?

Well…. Did you say YES to any of the above questions? My guess is that most people would say yes to at least a couple of them. In the coming months, I’ll be writing about how to live a modern frugal life from every angle. I encourage you to consider the suggestions and try at least a few. You’ll be surprised at how easy it is to spend less, save more and live just as comfortably. Maybe you’ll even be proud to call yourselves modern frugal. Next time, we’ll start uncovering all the great ways to cut your grocery bills in half including couponing, meal planning and store promotions.

If you are proud to be frugal, feel free to speak up and post about those things you do to live within your means. I love to learn new frugal techniques and I am sure other readers would like to read your ideas as well. As I always say: It’s Your Money – Spend It Wisely!

Have you ever noticed that runners have strong defined thighs, cyclist have firm, toned calves, swimmers have strong v-backs, and gymnasts are compact and strong all over? It shows that your body can be shaped by the exercises you do. For example, for many years I was a competitive gymnast. Because gymnastics entails lifting your body weight, I was small and buff all over. After college I was into weight lifting and put on a bunch of muscle mass, especially in my shoulders and upper back. In graduate school I got really into yoga and started teaching it. My body transformed-my muscles became lean and long! I’ve found the perfect combo of exercises that give a defined, lean, long look and I’ll share a little with you.

*Kickboxing: Great for toning the thighs, buttocks, and waist. Kicking in various sequences also boosts the heart rate for an ultimate fat burner. Time 30-40 min. 3X per week.

*Light Weights: 2-3 lb. weights are all you need to have a defined look. Work the shoulders, back, chest, and arms for 1-2 min. each body part. 2-3 sets 3X per week.

*Interval Training: Mix it up-keep your muscles working and your heart rate going and lose a lot of body fat! Do a 5-10 min. interval of kickboxing followed by a 1-2 min. interval of light weights. Repeat the sequence for 35-45 min. 3 X per week.

*Yoga: Great for lean, long muscles + mental clarity and relaxation. Yoga is excellent alone and or a great stretch for the end of your workouts. I recommend 20-60 min. 3-5 X per week.

Still not sure what to do? Check out my postnatal workouts! “Stroller Workout for Moms” is a 60 min. workout you can do inside or out combining intervals of kickboxing and the use of your own body weight, plus a 10 min. toning portion for your thighs and abs, and a yoga stretch. Also “Total Body Toning” is a 30 min. power packed workout combining kickboxing, squats, upper body toning, plus pilates moves and a yoga stretch.

I recently spoke to Professional Organizer Lea Schneider author of “Growing Up Organized: A Mom-to-Mom Guide.” Following is our conversation:

Betsy: In regards to children, what are the benefits of becoming organized in the home, and what negative effects have you witnessed as a result of disorganization?

Lea: Being organized is a stress-reducer. Our stress from daily events, like not being able to get everyone out the door on time, to losing the homework handout in counter top clutter, to trying to locate the missing cell phone or get dinner on the table when no one has made it to the store, creates one cranky parent. When the house is disorganized and parents are cranky and exhausted as a result, I imagine it is harder for any child to be sweet, compliant and happy. Being organized can help home life run smoother.

Betsy: Do you think it is easier or harder to keep things organized as a mom of young children now or twenty years ago?

Lea: One excuse for disorganization is the lack of time. Today, a mom of young children finds her time more consumed by technology. Working from home, checking emails, grabbing the cell phone or even just meeting up with friends on a social networking site takes some of the time that could be used to stay organized.

Betsy: What organizing problems are unique to this generation?

Lea: I’m not sure what generation you are referring to but in general our society has seen changes from mobility. We move for jobs. We hope to retire and move where it pleases us. We get a divorce and start over. We buy “starter homes” and dream of moving to a bigger one…someday.

With each move, we often acquire more things, furniture, accessories and bigger closets to hold our increasing wardrobes. As we get more things, so do the children. They have so many more toys, clothes, books and gadgets than previous generations dreamed of having. The more things you have, the more time you spend trying to organize those things and the more time spent wondering why you can’t get it all done.

Betsy: In your book, “Growing Up Organized: A Mom-to-Mom Guide,” I loved your chapter on how to attack the kids bedrooms. My daughter is ten years old and I find I still have to nag her to keep her room clean and organized. Do you think there is ever an age when we as moms should just allow the kids to live in filth in their own space if that is what they want?

Lea: You can be clean and disorganized. You can be dirty and disorganized. You can be dirty and organized. The two words mean different things.

Let me start by saying that it is not okay by me for my kid to live in a pigpen and for me to clean it up. Period.

Being organized is a measure of responsibility while clean means clean. Clean means the room is dusted, vacuumed, the trash is taken out, the sheets are changed and you won’t find a week’s worth of snack dishes under the bed.

I think that beyond the age of ten, a child who is organized with their schoolwork, chores and other activities, is capable of making their own decision about how organized or messy they wish their room to be. (You can make a shut-the-door rule.)

But along with that right, comes responsibility. I don’t think that they have the right to decide how clean they want their room to be. Set a standard for what cleaning chores you expect done and how often she is to do them. As long as she meets those standards, the room is hers. But, it is hers to not only keep messy but it is hers to vacuum, change the sheets and the other chores that you expect done. When a kid is old enough to start stomping their foot and saying “But it is my room” then they get the chores with the privilege.

Betsy: Do you find it better to purge through toys with or without the help of your children?

Lea: You should sort toys with your child but in an age appropriate and attention-span appropriate way. For example, a four-year-old is probably not ready to tackle a room full of toys by themselves. It would be beyond their skill to know where to start and beyond their attention span to stick with the task. However, a four-year-old might help you sort one mixed tub of toys into types – doll clothes, building blocks, crayons and so forth. Having them help you with portions of the toys and in small intervals is how you teach them. As they are older, they can do more.

Cleaning up and sorting toys with your child teaches them organizing skills. It teaches them time management, respect for property and personal responsibility for space and belongings. It teaches them compassion for others when they choose toys and books to give to charity. Do it with them. Don’t do it for them.

Betsy: What is the most common question asked to you by moms, and what is your advice for that question?

Lea: It’s the one you asked. What should I do about my child’s disorganized messy bedroom?

Children, and even teens, are not capable of doing a giant room overhaul alone. They have no experience in sorting into keep, donate, and trash. It’s very difficult for them to decide if they will need something again, if the clothes still fit properly or if it is okay with you to throw something out. You need to teach them the critical thinking skills involved in organizing. They will learn by doing it with you, not you doing it for them, unless they are a very young child. You’ll always need to be seasonally involved in a hands-on work session with your child. The daily or weekly clean-up should be their job, given out in age appropriate assignments.

Betsy: What are some of your general guidelines for setting chores around the house?

Lea: Someone needs to do them or the alternative is to move out and start over! Children learn how to be organized, how to practice time management, household skills and respect for their parent’s time and property by doing chores.

Guidelines:

· Choose age appropriate tasks.

· Be consistent. Don’t ask for two chores this week and 25 next week.

· Have variety. Mix it up. If you assign your child one chore, like emptying the dishwasher daily, you’ve only taught them one skill.

· Parents need to participate too. When everyone in the house heads off to do a few chores, it is pretty hard to complain how unfair it is!

Betsy: Although I am an organizer, I have to take the time to purge and organize my own space. I especially dislike dealing with my husband’s clutter (tools, clothing, etc) because I have limited control over the situation. What spaces do you dread organizing in your life?

Lea: When the photo shop clerk says “Double prints are free,” I cringe. I certainly don’t want two of them. I don’t want to deal with one. I dislike organizing photos. I love to have photos but I am not the least interested in making scrapbooks or photo albums.

Betsy: Despite my last statement about my husband’s clutter, he really is generally very neat and tidy. What do you suggest if the Dad in the household has a major clutter/hoarding issue?

Lea: Hoarding is a serious issue and is actually a medical diagnosis. If a family member is a hoarder, their amount of clutter can impact a family’s health, both physical and mental, as well as their safety in the home. If you have a family member with a hoarding issue, begin your search for help with your family physician.

Betsy: Have you always been organized?

Lea: Yes. As a small tyke, I drove my mother nuts by always putting away her shoes. She might take them off by the door and when she returned to slip them on they would be gone. (I probably drove her nuts in other ways but that’s material for another article!)

Betsy: Why did you decide to become an organizer?

Lea: A friend, tired of the waste, asked me to help her organize her leftovers in the fridge. Seriously. Another friend wanted attic help. My mother-in-law wanted help with closets. My sister wanted me to help my grown niece with her wardrobe. My parents wanted help downsizing my aunt. When people start wanting to buy you plane tickets in order to make use of your skills, it’s a good time to think about it as a career change. Best part of this job is when I get paid, I also get hugged!

Betsy: Your book is light-spirited, jam packed full of useful information, and very easy to relate to. Who do you think will most benefit from reading your book?

Lea: Thanks! If you are a mom, and you fall into bed every night and think “Maybe I’ll catch up tomorrow,” then this book is for you.|

Professional Organizer Lea Schneider, the author of Growing-Up Organized: A Mom-to-Mom Guide. (Amazon.com $14) Her organizing advice has appeared in Woman’s Day, Natural Health, Better Homes and Gardens Kid’s Rooms magazines, and in numerous websites and newspapers around the country, from The Columbian in Washington State to the Pensacola News Journal in Florida. In 2008, she was the Grand Prize Winner of the Rolodex Office Makeover Challenge. Her company, Organize Right Now, provides organizing assistance online using a team of expert professionals. For more information, visit www.organizerightnow.com.

Parents and child care providers work hard to provide a loving, stimulating environment that is safe for even the smallest children. One element of a healthy child care environment that is often overlooked is pest control. Pests may be harmful to children’s health, and pesticides used to control them may also be very harmful. Pest control in child care should be 100% kid-safe: it should effectively manage pests without exposing children or staff members to potentially harmful pesticides.

A new report out this week from Toxic Free North Carolina, Avoiding Big Risks for Small Kids, takes a look at what child care providers in our state are doing about pests like ants, weeds, cockroaches and such. Toxic Free NC talked to 89 child care providers all around the state last year and asked them all kinds of questions about pests and pesticides. The survey results paint a distressing picture of overuse of pesticides in child care, which potentially exposes children and staff to pesticides that can trigger asthma attacks, harm growing brains, and even increases their risk of developing some types of cancer.

* For 53% of child care providers who took the pest control survey, old fashioned high-risk pest control methods like baseboard spraying are used at their child care. Some do this spraying themselves, but more are contracting with a professional pest control company who does it. Broadcast spraying creates a high risk that children and staff will be exposed to those potentially harmful chemicals. Because little kids are growing quickly, and spend a lot of time crawling around on the floor and putting things in their mouths, they are more vulnerable than adults to health damage from pesticides and other toxic chemicals in their environments.

* The survey also found very limited adoption of least-toxic pest control, known as Integrated Pest Management (IPM). The US EPA recommends IPM for schools, child care centers and other areas where children spend time because it drastically reduces health risks from pesticides. IPM uses pro-active monitoring, sanitation, and maintenance to prevent pest problems before they start, and uses least-toxic pesticides sparingly if at all, and only with very targeted application methods. Fewer than 24% of child care providers reported using practices that qualify as IPM – but those who did also reported fewer serious pest problems, indicating that it may be working better.

Compared with public schools, which are rapidly adopting IPM in North Carolina, child care centers are lagging way behind. NC public schools are all required to switch to least-toxic IPM by 2011 thanks to a state law adopted in 2006.

So what can parents & child care providers do about this? Be an advocate for kid-safe pest management! I recommend asking lots of questions to get more information about pest control and safety at your child care. We’ve made a quick and dirty guide for parents and providers, that lists the top questions people should be asking to ensure they’re getting the safest pest control at their child care.

For parents, asking questions like these can tell you a lot:

Are baseboard spraying or fogging ever used here?
Are pesticides ever used while children are present?
Do you have a pest control contract, and if so, does it call for least-toxic IPM?
Do you have records of pest control activities that I can look at?

The littlest kids are the most vulnerable to health harm from pesticides, but pests are no treat either, and some, like cockroaches, can also harm children’s health. So, the safest approach is one that takes care of pests with minimum use of pesticides. If public schools can do it, so can child care centers. Avoiding Big Risks for Small Kids shows that child care providers aren’t informed enough about this issue to get the safest pest control they can. Parents can make a huge difference by simply asking the right questions!

Looking for more information?
Here’s that quick and dirty guide to Avoiding Big Risks for Small Kids for parents and providers.
Here are Toxic Free NC’s resources for child care providers, which include a guide to contracting for safer pest control.
Here’s more information about the NC School Children’s Health Act, which requires IPM for NC public schools.
And here’s the link one more time for the new report – Avoiding Big Risks for Small Kids.

CLAYTON, MO (April 24, 2009) Sixty-five new moms and moms-to-be from four branches of the military in 15 states across the nation will be showered with gifts between now and Mother’s Day as a part of the latest efforts of Operation Shower. Operation Shower, a non-profit organization run by two stay-at-home moms, produces and coordinates baby showers for pregnant and expecting military personnel and their families.

This Mother’s Day, Operation Shower has teamed up with Cloud B and thirty-three more sponsors to host green baby showers for expectant women whose husbands are currently deployed overseas. Thanks to many generous donations, Operation Shower will put smiles on 65 women’s faces when they open their special eco-friendly “Showers in a Box” containing gifts and surprises valued at several hundred dollars each; all donated by generous companies and people from across the nation.

“Becoming a parent is challenging enough when you have the hands-on support of your spouse, friends and family, doing that with a husband fighting in a war is something you can’t imagine unless you are in those shoes,” said Operation Shower co-founder Lena Morrissey.

“Putting on these showers is one small way that we hope gives the moms a special memory and shows our support for the sacrifices these dedicated women and their families make for our country.” added Operation Shower co-founder Kris Jackson.

Military moms-to-be in Fort Hood, Texas and Scott Air Force Base, Illinois will be celebrated at unit-wide and multi-unit eco-friendly baby showers on May 2nd and May 9th respectively. In addition to all of the amazing “green” gifts the moms will receive, Operation Shower is making sure the showers are as green as possible by using recycled paper goods and celebrating with real dishes, flatware, glasses and linens; creating centerpieces and décor items from gifts that will be used as giveaways; and sending keepsake invitations from Tiny Prints on recycled cardstock. Even the boxes and limited packaging materials for each of the boxes used recycled material and Operation Shower will be planting a tree via the Arbor Foundation in every baby’s honor.

Each mom will receive stylish, eco-friendly items from shower sponsor Cloud B as well as wonderful products and services from the following sponsors: Baby Blend Tees, Care.com, Childish Clothing, Cozy Cocoon, Flower Duet, Hug A Monkey, ImagiPLAY, Julian & Co, Kirby Ink, Moms on Call, MyBabyPlace, PeaceLoveMom, Resa Design, Sage Creek Organics, Sprig Toys, Sofia Bean, The Safe Sippy, The Ultimate Green Store, Tiny Tales and Vincent Shoes.

“Cloud B is excited to participate with Operation Shower to help provide these wonderful ladies with a baby shower that they deserve. Our products are designed to help children and their parents get a better night’s rest, and we are delighted to make bed time routines more relaxing and easier for these families. Cloud B truly appreciates the sacrifice that these men and women have made to serve our country, and we hope our contribution will help bring extra joy to this happy occasion,” says Nader Hamda, co-founder and COO of Cloud B.

Surprises will continue at the showers when the moms have the chance to win amazing raffle items from Anka, Angela Breckenridge Photography, City Sprouts, Jane Marvel, lillebaby and Micralite. W.N. Epstein & CO. donated shipping services for the showers and media sponsors include Clever Parents, Integrity, Lena’s Notebook, Stem, teensygreen and The Cradle.

May 2nd will be even more meaningful for the founders of Operation Shower. After showering more than 200 military moms-to-be since 2007, Lena Morrissey and Kris Jackson will meet for the first time at Fort Hood, Texas.

ABOUT OPERATION SHOWER: Operation Shower is a non-profit organization (pending 501(c)(3) status) created by the founders of Lena’s Notebook (www.lenasnotebook.com) and Clever Parents (www.cleverparents.com), two websites focused on parents and parenting, to recognize and honor the sacrifices military families make by producing and coordinating baby showers for pregnant and expecting military personnel and their families. For more information about the showers and to donate, visit the Operation Shower website at www.operationshower.org. In addition to the unit and multi-unit wide showers given in honor of Mother’s Day, Operation Shower sends “showers in a box” to expecting military wives throughout the year. Moms-to-be can submit themselves or be nominated to receive a box online at www.operationshower.org.

ABOUT CLOUD B: Cloud B is dedicated to helping children of all ages sleep better. Our philosophy is that every child deserves a sound night’s sleep for healthy development, Cloud B has become a trusted name with parents worldwide. Our award-winning products are developed in consultation with an Advisory Board of pediatricians and specialists with a single focus: to achieve a better, safer sleep for your child. Our devotion to innovation is matched by our passion for design and style. Cloud B uses only the finest materials to ensure the quality and elegance that your child deserves. Cloud B is also dedicated to providing less fortunate children the quality sleep they deserve through product donations and financial contributions to charitable organizations nationwide.� (www.cloudb.com)

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Military Moms-to-Be Receive Baby Showers ‘In a Box’

Imagine becoming a parent while your spouse is overseas fighting in a war. The emotions of giving birth are life-changing and with a spouse deployed overseas, those feelings have an additional component that can’t be imagined unless you are in that situation.

In celebration of Mother’s Day, Operation Shower has partnered with Cloud B to honor moms-to-be with their first ever eco-friendly baby shower. On May 2nd and May 9th, 60 deserving moms-to-be whose husbands are deployed overseas will be showered with gifts donated by generous companies and people across the nation.

Military moms-to-be in Fort Hood, Texas and at Scott Air Force Base in Illinois will be celebrated in style – eco-friendly style, that is – with fabulous gifts from many people and companies. The showers are possible in great part because of generous product sponsors, including Cloud B and the following:

Anka
Baby Blend Tees
Childish
Cozy Cocoon
Flower Duet
ImagiPLAY
Jane Marvel
lillebaby
Micralite
Kirby Ink
The Safe Sippy
Sage Creek Organics
Sofia Bean
Sprig Toys
The Ultimate Green Store
Vincent Shoes

WN Epstein is the official shipping sponsor for Operation Shower and media sponsors include Clever Parents, Lena’s Notebook, Integrity, Stem and The Cradle.

Donations are still needed to make the boxes complete. To contribute, please visit the Operation Shower website at www.operationshower.org.

The old parenting paradigm calls on the parent to control the child. Be in charge. Make the decisions. Set the rules. Enforce those rules. Exercise your rightful parenting authority or your children will become unruly, undisciplined, and out of control.

But hold on. What if it isn’t so? What if a controlling parenting style breeds resistance, resentment, and reluctance? What if it creates defiance or the opposite, blind obedience? What if it fails to produce children who think for themselves, develop a healthy inner-authority, and become decisionally literate?

The power struggles or meek compliance resulting from a heavy parenting control style often breed strained relationships, unempowered children, and frustrated parents. If you are not enamored with the results of attempting to control your children, you might want to examine a shared control style that often leaves the parent with more control than they had to begin with. Consider the art of allowing.

Allow your children by…

1. Offering controlled choices. “You can pick the sweatshirt with the hood or the heavy sweater. You decide.” “We are having milk for dinner. Would you like to choose the pink cup or the green one? The parent controls the choice and the child is allowed to have some control over his own life.

2. Instigate opportunities for consensus seeking. Allow children to have input on where you go on vacation, how you divide household chores or when the family participates in study time. By having some say they learn to use their voice to help create the life they desire.

3. Eliminate commands. “Turn the TV off,” can be replaced with “It’s time for bed.” That change of language allows the child to make the choice to turn off the TV. “I am being bothered by the noise in the other room,” is less commanding than, “Quiet down.” “I am being bothered by the noise in the other room,” communicates without words, “I think you are smart enough to figure out what to do.” It allows the child to come up with an appropriate response.

4. Ask questions. “Why do you think that?” “How are you going to handle that?” “What do you think you will do next time?” These types of questions allow the child to do the thinking.

5. Show empathy and compassion. Resist running in immediately with solutions. Stop offering unsolicited advice. Show compassion first by leading with empathy. “That must really be frustrating,” allows the child to hear your concern and empathy and prevents you from saying, ‘You need to tell your teacher you need help.” “What a shame. That’s terrible, communicates the empathy that allows the child to feel the feeling rather that having to consider your solution to their problem.

6. Don’t care. Stop caring if your child completes her homework or not. If she chooses not to do it at school then she is choosing to do it on Saturday. Allow her to care whether or not she has a free Saturday. If you do all the caring she doesn’t have to.

7. See it all as perfect. If she does her work at school, it is perfect. She is learning to budget her time and take care of her own responsibilities. If she doesn’t do it at school, it is still perfect. It is the perfect time to help her appreciate the cause and effect relationship that exists in your home. Allow her to be the cause of how she spends her Saturday.

8. Let the consequence do the teaching. If you son forgets to pack his tooth guard in his equipment bag and doesn’t have it for Karate, allow him to experience the consequences of his actions. Do not buy a new one. Do not drive him home to get it. Do not rescue him. Allow him, without lecture or reprimand, to feel the results of his actions. him to make the connection himself.

9. Speak Softly. When you volume is turned up, yelling or shouting, your child focuses on your anger rather than on your words. They look at your behavior rather than at their own. Allow them to look within by taking the focus away from yourself by speaking softly.

10. Allow your child to learn her own lesson. If the lesson does not involve a health or safety issue assume that she is the best judge of what she needs to learn. You may want her to do her chores in a timely fashion. She may decide she needs to learn what happens when she ignores her chores. You may think she needs to learn how to create a report on Switzerland. She may know she’ll benefit more from learning what happens when she turns her report in late. Trust you child to attract the appropriate lesson and allow her to experience it.

Any force or control produces a counter force. Reduce power struggles, lessen resistance, and build mutual respect by stepping out of the need to control. Use the ideas above to allow yourself to allow your children to take greater control of their lives. It will help them grow toward becoming responsible, empowered, and self-reliant young adults.

Do you ever wonder if your child is developing typically? It is especially difficult to determine if your child is meeting developmental milestones at a typical rate if this child is your first. You look at that toddler and think that everything they do deserves applause….and it does! But…..do you ever still just wonder if everything is okay?

I do not want you to wonder or worry. But I do want you to be knowledgeable about typical developmental milestones because the earlier that you are able to intervene with problem issues the better. I want to provide you with research based information that may help to alleviate your worries. Too many times, new parents see problems in their child’s development when there aren’t any. But there are other times that I see parents ignore issues when they shouldn’t.

There are a few things that I would like for you to keep in mind:

1. Do not believe everything that you read on the internet. You need to base your information on the knowledge and experience of the experts in the field.

2. Do not look for problems that are not there. Your child will have periods of great progress and periods of no progress. Sometimes a concern for you is just a bump in the road, in terms of your child’s development. But always ask your child’s doctor is you are concerned.

3. Do not ignore the opinions and observations of others close to you. Sometimes you can not see the forest for the trees. Listen to your friends and relatives and do not ignore an issue that comes up as a concern to several different people in several different settings.

4. Always compare your child’s development to a same-age peer group not just one same-age peer. You can not compare your little boy to “little Bobby” in day care. You need to compare your child’s development to the entire 2 year-old group – because all children develop at different rates.

5. Remember that development is not going to be consistent in all areas. Your child may begin talking early but walking late. Your child may have wonderful ability in using crayons to color but have trouble dressing themselves. We all have strengths and weaknesses. But again, if you are concerned always ask.

6. Be observant and concerned if progress stops altogether or if regression occurs. This is a serious red flag in any area of development. This is especially noticeable in toileting skills and communication.

I’m going to use this site to provide you, as parents, good information that will help guide you in helping your child. The Center for Disease Control has a wonderful website with research based information that is perfect for new parents. It has an interactive checklist that can be completed by the parent, printed and kept as a guide to the child’s development. This site is a wealth of information.

Not only are the developmental guides good for determining if the milestones are met but are also good for helping new parents determine when they should give the child some space to become more independent. In addition, it will also help guide them on what skills to encourage at what age.

Check out the CDC’s website for this wonderful video. Don’t worry so much but be very observant and if you ever become concerned with any portion of your child’s development – do not second guess – talk to your child’s pediatrician.

If there is a problem, early intervention is key.

When economic times are good, you may be inclined to shop with little regard for price or value. But when conditions turn sour it’s another story. As your dollars must now be stretched longer and harder, you’d better spend each of them wisely.

What brand of watch do you wear? Whether a top-of-the-line Rolex or an economy Timex, recognize both keep excellent time. The current models all do a better job than the “precision” pocket watch your Great-grand-uncle Elmo used as a railroad engineer. The only justification for a high-priced model is self-image and the illusion of prosperity. These are both overrated.

And while on the subject of small mechanical devices which serve a need, consider the hyperbole employed by one firm to convince us of the importance of a $600 ballpoint pen. The arguments include an appreciation of beauty and workmanship, the profound emotional experience you receive utilizing a fine writing implement, and the implication you will be admired by clients and associates for your taste and culture. There are two fascinating aspects of this campaign, the first being that the hired pitchmen manage to keep a straight face while reading their lines. The other is that anyone not certifiably demented actually believes a word of it.

What can be said about wristwatches and ballpoint pens is equally true as to other highly promoted products. These include magazine offerings, timeshare projects, $300 per ounce bottles of perfume, Las Vegas weekend getaways, and the purchase of lottery tickets, to name just a few. As a rule of thumb, the more overpriced the merchandise, the more innovative its promotion.

Let me offer a few other examples of money badly spent, which added up over a lifetime represents a fair chunk of your earnings. Twenty-four rolls of a popular brand of toilet paper is available at Wal-Mart for $10.19. Six rolls of the same product, selling at a major market of $6.46, are easily dropped into a shopping cart. The 250% markup doesn’t seem to bother many housewives. It should.

And speaking of paper products, where might stationery be bought cheaply? Except for top-grade rag content or custom-engraved stock, avoid the stationery stores. Even the major discounters are not the places to go. A little comparison-shopping reveals paper supply houses offer the lowest prices, and most are open to the general public.

When you fill your car with gasoline, does the lesser-priced regular grade or the higher-priced premium grade end up in your tank? Don’t base your decision on assurances by the service station manager promoting the more expensive fuel, but on performance you can actually experience. The fundamental difference between the two grades is octane number⎯burning speed—when in earlier years slower burning helped prevent engine “knock.” Because of the lower compression ratios of today’s cars, most function satisfactorily on 87-octane fuel. Unless that causes your auto engine to “ping” when climbing a slight hill, use the cheaper fuel.

I hope this message is coming across clearly. Don’t make your buying decisions based on urging from shopkeepers or exhortation from advertising. Sharpen your buying habits with a healthy dose of skepticism. Look closely at the product, read the specifications, verify the quality, and compare prices. You’ll often find what is claimed is not what is offered. In most of your purchases you are less familiar with a product than are its vendors. You can overcome this disadvantage with a little effort and by educating yourself. The results are cumulative and your performance will improve with time.

Every parent knows that it is just a matter of time before their child comes home with a stray dog asking, “Can we keep him Mom, huh, can we?” If it isn’t a stray then we will inevitably come across a box of puppies somewhere with the words, “Free to a Good Home” plastered across it in big bold letters. Let’s face it, children love dogs and America has gone to the dogs. According to the United States Humane society 40% of all households in the US own a dog. So in a country where dogs are more popular than ever, how can we be sure that we are selecting the right dog for our family?

Perhaps we should begin by looking at the factors we should not use to make our selection. Parents often make the mistake of choosing a small breed dog as their family pet because they assume that a small dog is a safe choice for their children. This is often not the case. Just because a dog is small does not mean that it has the proper temperament to mesh well with an active child. Breeds such as Chihuahuas, Miniature Pinchers and Rat Terriers are small and easy to care for; however, they need lots of attention and can be possessive of their owners and jealous when children receive more attention than they do. They are great dogs for single people, but probably not the best choice for the family pet.

Another factor to avoid when selecting the family pet is current trends. When Paris Hilton began sporting her Chihuahua Tinkerbell as a fashion accessory the popularity of the breed skyrocketed and before long they were seen on the arms of celebrities across the country. This can also be said for the increase in popularity of the Dalmatian after Glenn Close reprised the role of Cruella de Vil in the 1996 release of 101 Dalmatians. Shortly thereafter shelters were full of abandoned Dalmatians because people did not do their homework and selected a breed based on popularity alone.

With size and popularity nixed as a criterion, what can we use to select our family dog? Temperament, disposition and energy level are all excellent traits to use when selecting the best dog for your family. Temperaments are best described as personality traits for dogs. Some dogs are good natured and even tempered while others are dominant and high strung just like some people. Great Danes, Newfoundlands, Beagles and Pugs are all known for their even tempers. Thankfully there are other factors to consider for those of us who are not ready for committing to owning a dog as big as a Great Dane.

Disposition is also an important criteria. Disposition is the prevailing tendency or mood of the pooch in question. There are two major dispositions to consider, aggressive and submissive. A good way to tell which of the two you are dealing with is to roll the dog on its back and gently hold it there for a few seconds. If the dog bites or tries to wriggle out of your grasp then you are dealing with a dog with dominant tendencies. If the dog lies there willingly and fails to make eye contact then you have a submissive dog on your hands. The best choice for a family with children is the dog who is somewhere in between the two and seems only mildly uncomfortable and whines rather than nips.

Perhaps one of the most important characteristics to consider is energy level! Some of us do not have the time to provide the proper amount of exercise for certain dog breeds despite the fact that they meet all of our other requirements. If you have younger children who are not able to help with the exercise routine then Bull Dogs, Great Danes and Greyhounds are perfect choices. If you have older and more active children you might consider the Labrador, Golden Retriever or Irish Setter. All of these are great with kids and will enjoy participating in a variety of outdoor activities.

While these tips may be helpful it is important to remember that no amount of research is a substitute for the proper training and socializing of a dog. Remember that certain breeds do have stereotypical characteristics, but there are no guarantees in dog ownership and often times pound puppies of mixed breeds can be just as good or better family dogs than their purebred counterparts.

Recently I stumbled across a website called handmedowns.com that will change how moms buy and sell their gently used baby/kid gear.

Visualize with me. My 2.5-year old daughter’s room is full of toys she’s no longer interested in and clothes she can’t really fit into anymore. Her overflow of belongings has taken over our garage, living room, my bedroom, and even backyard (whose idea was it to buy that slide?).

How one 25 lb child can have more in terms of belongings than I do blows me away.

That’s where handmedowns.com comes in.

I’ve tried eBay before. Not only does the whole bidding system irritate me, I’m not really into the post office scene. Craigslist is better but the popular website hosts plenty-a-weirdo and I always wonder who is really coming to pick up my used high chair.

Los Angeles mom and former lawyer, Norah Weinsten, is the brains behind the genius idea to give moms their own place to buy, sell, trade, and donate their children’s everyday items. handmedowns.com users list everything from infant clothing to designer strollers at amazing prices. There’s no need to pay retail. Save the environment and your pocket book by purchasing used goods. Search for items in your own city; no need to calculate shipping or stock up on boxes and tape.

Last week I completed the 6-second registration (seriously, you couldn’t warm a bottle faster) and listed and sold some of my precious toddler’s excess. It was great! Not only am I tripping over less during my middle of the night paranoia-is-she-still-breathing checks, I have some extra cash to buy her even more toys! The cycle continues…

Bonus: handmedowns.com features regular contests. Register with handmedowns.com before Febuary 13th, and you could with a Clek Olli Booster Seat in Bubblegum Camo.

Retail Price: $89.99

When the brakes slammed on our economy the past year, many of us felt our lives simply spiral out of control.�

The floor dropped out of the aspects of our lives that were on shaky ground prior to 2008, and those things that seemed safe no longer seemed infallible.� In addition, perhaps the ways we once found comfort in the past (like shopping) were no longer advisable or either possible with the tightening credit market.�

Fluff, this is what I call all those things that are simply not necessary in life; and it is probably a good description of how many of us lived – fully enveloped in fluff.� It’s easy to get stuck in fluff when you don’t have any clear cut priorities and goals.� “Wants” rule your emotions, and “needs” are expected.� Not only will this type of living leave us feeling empty, but also broke!

Do you have too much?� Are you always running?� Do you want this year to be more fulfilling than last?� � � The first step in that is to take inventory of your life, and that is my challenge for you this week.� I want you to spend this week focusing on all that you have invested your emotions, money and time.� Refer to the following categories and feel free to add or adjust these to meet your specific needs.�

Material Possessions:� Literally walk through your home and grab your camera.� Don’t clean first; it is time to get real!� Take photos of your jammed closets, cabinets, cluttered cars, toy rooms, kitchen cabinets, piles of magazines, etc.� Print these pictures out and keep them as a visual reminder.� Sometimes viewing things from a photo make us face our reality.

Obligations:� For this week, document the time spent working at your job and/or volunteerism.

Sleep:� Keep a sleep journal and see how many hours you are getting each evening.

Health:� Make an appointment with your Doctor to get a complete health check-up.� We do this for our children every year, but often fail to take care of our own bodies with the same dedication.

Relationships:� Write down a list of all the people in your life and your relationship with them; and the amount of time you spend nurturing them.

Spirituality: � Where do you stand right now in your faith?� This week give this some thought.

I would suggest you document all of the above in a journal.� In order to make a new start towards a more fulfilling life, it is absolutely essential to know where you stand today.� This week please focus on your present situation, next week we will focus on setting priorities and goals and the steps to success.

Happy New Year!

Betsy

The new year is upon us and for many of us this means thinking about what we want to do to improve the quality of our lives. Below I took the top 5 New Year’s Resolutions and offered you a mindset twist on how to attain each of them.

1. Lose 10+ lbs. Focus on health versus weight. Tell yourself, “When I’m exercising and eating healthy I feel better, look better, and have more energy.”

2. Drink Less. Focus on healthy alternatives and how good you’ll feel from making a healthy choice. For example when you drink more water you’ll lose more weight, have nicer hair, better skin and nails.

3. Eat Less. Focus on healthy foods that fuel your body versus focusing on portion size. When you eat healthy you’ll be less likely to eat as much because your body will be getting what it needs and your cravings will subside.

4. Exercise More. Focus on the great feeling you get after a workout versus the challenge of getting motivated to do it. For example, remember how good you felt after a good sweat? Or how great it felt to take the time to make your health a priority? And think about how good it felt to be fit.

5. Spend Less. Focus on quality vs. quantity. If you’re spending less money then you’re spending more time with people you love. Nothing is more valuable than quality time!

Wishing You a Very Happy New Year with Lots of Quality Time!!

What do you look for in a kid’s backpack?

How often when you pick out a backpack (or lunch box) for your child do you both like the same one?

If you’re like most, you’re lucky to find some combination of function and style – either a style you like or one your child does – and that’s about it.

Then, adding insult to injury, the bag ends up getting dragged around, straps flailing, and by the time the holidays hit that ‘back-to-school’ backpack is ready to be replaced.

Next time, try a Dabbawalla.

The brainchild of sisters Susan Givens and Carol Mack, Dabbawalla, an Indian name for the men who bring lunch boxes to offices, was created out of a frustration by the lack of functional and appropriately sized bags for children.

“You’ll find no cartoon characters or action figures, no utilitarian oversized styles that mimic adult packs – just simple, colorful designs that kids of all ages can relate to,” says co-founder Susan Givens.

Dabbawalla Bags (both Backpacks and Lunch Bags) are made of neoprene – the same material as wet suits – which is free of PVC, lead and other bad chemicals.

The bags feature simple, bright, fun designs on an easy-to-clean sack that both you and your child will love. The clever bags adjust on the inside, so no more problems with dangling straps.

The size is also perfect for a preschooler or early elementary aged child – the child actually wears the backpack rather than the other way around. And, since the bags are made of neoprene, they come out looking new each time you throw them in the wash.

Learn more and buy online at www.dabbawallabags.com

Note: If the video does not appear below, click here to watch it on Disney’s site.

It’s amazing how many people we give gifts to during the holidays. If only we had unlimited funds and we could give generously to everyone on our list.�

But, unfortunately, that is not the case for most of us. In these harsh financial times, I know very few people who can comfortably give as much as they would like this year.

The fabulous news is that you can still give meaningful and appreciated gifts to all the people on your list and do it on a reasonable budget.� Frugal giving is the way to go this year and so is staying out of debt.

We all know that you aren’t doing your family any favors if you have to struggle to pay bills for months because you bought gifts you could not afford in December. Even if you have a good job today, being frugal now will help you later if that good job goes away as so many others have in the last few months.� Take a look at the following frugal gift ideas and start thinking about the people on your gift list.� I’ll bet you can find some great matches.

Homemade goodies from the kitchen: Some of the most popular (and loved) frugal gifts during the holidays are edible treats. Choose from cookies, fudge and brownies baked from scratch, hot chocolate mixes in a mug, soup mixes in a bowl, fudge, pies, homemade bread, fudge, a bottle of wine, quick bread mixes in a loaf pan and little gingerbread men. Did I mention fudge?!� See http://southernfood.about.com for a number of recipes including brownies in a jar and fudge, of course!

Hobby related gifts:� Many folks have hobbies they love.� Some people collect coins, stamps or glass horses. Some are train enthusiasts or enjoy taking pictures. If someone on your gift list has a hobby, find a gift that will contribute to that hobby, without breaking the bank.� Buy a� magazine subscription for the train enthusiast, rolls of film or photo paper for the photographer, specialty scissors, paper or stickers for the scrapbooker, exotic spices for someone who loves to cook.

Picture perfect:� Some great ways to share your family with loved ones is through framed photos, scrapbooks, photo albums and digital photo frames (split the cost with siblings for a gift for the parents or grandparents).� Many photo centers in malls (like JCPenney) offer high quality, low-cost portrait packages for around $20. These often include multiple sheets of the same picture with larger and smaller photos, excellent for gift giving in an inexpensive frame from a craft store like Michaels.

Arts and crafts: Nothing says love like a piece of artwork from a child or a handmade scarf (which would take me 800 years to produce!).� Drawings from the grandkids in inexpensive frames, handprint concrete stepping stones (these can be found in kits for under $10 at most craft stores), knitted scarves, and crocheted blankets all make for impressive and lasting gifts.

Corny coupons:� It may sound corny to give a coupon you made on the computer to someone but it’s not corny to the new mom who could really use two hours of free babysitting so she can go to the store all by herself.� Or consider a coupon for a homemade dinner for that same new mom who has no time or energy to cook.� Sometimes just helping with the everyday responsibilities is the best gift of all. Coupons are also great for kids. Consider a coupon book with coupons for an afternoon at the park, dessert at the local ice cream shop, a trip to the museum, their choice of movie rental, etc.� None of these outings needs to be expensive and they are great ways to spend time with the kids or grandkids.�

Gift Certificates: Gift certificates are an excellent choice when you aren’t sure what someone would want or you want them to be able to choose something they can really use.� For the college students on your list, those big box stores have just about anything they could ever need. For the kids, certificates to book stores make great gifts. For the person on a fixed income, a grocery store certificate would be very appreciated. You don’t need to spend much. Even a $10 certificate can go a long way.�

Donations to charity: Some folks would rather not receive a gift themselves but would love for the money to be spent on a donation to a favorite charity.� You don’t have to donate $10,000 for the gift to be meaningful. Any donation is deeply appreciated when it is to a charity the person cares about.� For instance, we give to the Gynecologic Oncology Program at Duke Medical Center in North Carolina each year in honor of my mom, who has ovarian cancer and is being treated at Duke.�

Gift Baskets: People love receiving gift baskets.� It is just so much fun to see all the goodies packed into a cute container and then get to take out each item and “ohhhh” and “ahhhhh”. Look for bargains all through the year and make themed gift baskets geared towards the people on your list.� For the person who loves to watch movies (or any teens on your list), put together a Movie Theme Basket with movie rental certificates, microwave popcorn, candy bars and soda.� Other themes include a Baker’s Basket, Chocolate Lover’s Basket, Coffee or Tea Basket, Sewing or Knitting Gift Basket, Gardening Gift Basket, Bath and Beauty Gift Basket (great for college students) and Kids Craft Basket.� See http://rubyglen.com/gifts/giftbaskets.htm for ideas on what to include in many themed gift baskets.� She also has creative ideas on containers to use.�

Holiday cards: The high cost of holiday cards is shocking to me. I love to send cards to all our friends and family and I would go broke sending cards purchased at full price.� For the last 10 years, I have bought my cards in January when the boxed sets are marked down to 75% – 90% off. The selection is still surprisingly good at many stores (including Target, CVS and Walgreens) and the cost is excellent.� For those who still need to purchase cards for this year, consider letting the kids make cards out of high quality construction paper, some stencils, stampers and holiday stickers. Have everyone sign the cards and you will be giving a handmade gift your family will love.�

Most of my shopping is now finished for this year and I am already thinking about next year.� I’ll hit the clearance sales in January and stash away cards, decorations and many gifts to use next December.� One of my favorite websites for finding out about holiday clearance sales is Hot Coupon World at http://www.hotcouponworld.com/forums/after-christmas-clearance-deals-discussions-2008/. In the next few weeks, they will be posting the best clearance deals after the holiday.
For a list of 63 inexpensive gift ideas under $10, see http://www.betterbudgeting.com/articles/money/63giftsunder10dollars.htm.

Just think of all the happiness you can bring to your friends and family with thoughtful and frugal gifts.� Don’t forget the joy you will feel because you stayed within your budget and avoided those high credit card bills after the holiday.� As I always say, it’s your money, spend it wisely. Happy spending, happy saving and happy holidays!
�

Dear Readers,

Question: What do you get when you mix zillions of folks flying with lots of crazy weather conditions?

Answer: A flightmare!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, except if you’re flying. The holiday season is an especially challenging time to fly due to iffy weather and overcrowded airports and flights.

Even if weather and crowds don’t pose problems, you still have to deal with packing and luggage. One solution to the luggage crisis is, of course, not to check your luggage but carry it on. Many airlines have a per bag fee that strongly encourages careful packing.

Carry On!
But, packing a single carry-on bag is easier said than done. I’m not a light packer. Not too long ago, an organizing colleague and I were heading for a conference, and she challenged me to a packing throw-down. She dared me to pack only one bag, a carry-on bag no less. Long story short, I did pack one bag but it was far from a carry-on. Plus, I left a lot of necessary goodies behind and missed them dearly while I was away from home. It wasn’t pretty!

Since that one challenge, I have improved my ability to pack a single bag, but I could never master the carry-on. Until recently. Now, I have discovered the wonders of ZUCA luggage. I’m totally smitten with the whole line – the Pro, the Sport and especially the backpack. ZUCA is tough stuff. And, tres chic. ZUCA bags have lots of pockets for gadgets, thus appealing to my organizing bias. Their stuff is very well-organized. Let me repeat that – very well-organized. Although ZUCA isn’t cheap, it isn’t over the top either (under $100.00 for the backpack, under $300 for the carry-on in the Pro line).

The Pro and Sport suitcases are on wheels and glide (and I do mean glide) effortlessly (and I do mean effortlessly) on all sorts of surfaces. Even staircases are a snap with these wheels. Best of all, all the ZUCA products fit in the overhead bin on airplanes. The wheels retract so they don’t poke out and catch other people’s hats, coats, scarves in the overhead compartment. Besides effortlessly rolling up and down airplane aisles, the fabric, frame, handles, hardware, wheels and zippers are durable and workable – critical elements to consider when buying a piece of luggage. ZUCA cases are designed to sit on, too, and come with stackable pouches that you can pull in and out like drawers. If not ZUCA, do your homework and check websites for information related to any luggage product you may be considering before your next trip.

Packing Cubes for Containing Clothing Clutter
The very first time I saw these individual packing bags I thought they were a waste of money. Then, I was given one as a gift and discovered just how valuable they are when it comes to keeping the contents of a suitcase neatly organized. Not only do I pack one for socks and undergarments, but now I use one for electronic-cord clutter and another two for long-sleeve and short-sleeve tops. It makes finding things much, much easier. ZUCA calls theirs “packing pouches”, and they’re included in the PRO model, which retails for $285.00, or you can buy a set separately. They’re color-coded and especially perfect for business travelers.

Lost Luggage
My luggage is lost. My very own sons stole my ZUCA luggage! (I said this stuff was cool, right?) Both boys are into paintball, and it just so happens that they can load all their gear into the ZUCA bags and wheel them on the fields. These bags have a built-in seat on top that they use when putting on their protective gear. (Although my boys aren’t there, the seat holds up to 300 pounds.) At the airport, this can be the best seat in the house if your flight is oversold and you’re waiting in long lines. ZUCA also carries a Sport line, which I really need to tell my boys about, so they can return my lost luggage!

One thing the boys are forbidden from using is my ZUCA backpack. I have never owned a better backpack. My Macbook Pro computer fits in it perfectly, and I still have lots of extra room for all sorts of necessities, such as file folders. I have retired my old laptop case! My ZUCA backpack goes with me everywhere. The straps are thick and padded. The zippers have big, fat pulls on them. The pockets are generous and well placed. It is without a doubt one of the very best things I own.

Flying high in the sky isn’t always a well-organized adventure but it sure doesn’t have to be a flightmare!

SPECIAL OFFER: Use Clever Parents coupon code, DSRGT09, through December 19th, to save 15% on ZUCA products. Must use coupon code when ordering online @ www.zuca.com

VIDEO: tinyurl.com/5odp4m

When was the last time you had a really relaxing holiday?

I don’t mean that peaceful thirty-minute aftermath that follows a successful dinner party or the kids’ gift-opening extravaganza. I mean a holiday that is relaxing, from beginning to end. That includes travel, dinner preparations, and shopping.

All it will take is a little organization and advance planning. Here are some tips to get you started.

Plan your travel now. Need to be out of town to see family or friends? If you haven’t already made arrangements, make it a priority. Especially if you plan to fly, the best deals disappear fast. Get online and start shopping around as soon as you know where you need to be and when. Once the arrangements are made, start getting things squared away with work. Whether you need to request time off, reschedule a recurring meeting, or just let your employees know that you’ll be gone, do it as soon as possible. Depending on where you work, getting holiday time off can be competitive. Especially in this case, the early bird tends to get the worm.

Make a budget. Unless you’ve got more money that you know what to do with, it is easy for the holiday season to turn into a financial headache. Ninety-nine percent of that stress can be eliminated by thinking ahead and making a budget. Financial sanity doesn’t come from having a ton of money; it comes from spending it wisely.

Decide how much you’re going to spend and stick to it. Letting yourself creep over your budget probably isn’t going to make you a hero in the gift department, but it might cost you a gray hair or two when it comes time to sort out the holiday bills. How many times have you charged expensive items and spent five months paying for them? See if you can break tradition this year by drawing names or just sending cards. Tell the people you’re not buying for that you’ve pared down your gift list out of necessity and ask them not to buy for you as well.

Avoid the shopping marathon. Unless you really do enjoy the “shop ’till you drop” marathon mall sessions, skip the all-day shopping trips. If you start now (or better yet, six months ago), you’ll be amazed at how much you can get done by picking up an item here and there while you’re running your everyday errands. The secret is to sit down, make a list of the people you need to shop for, and keep it with you.

Ideally, your list will include one or two gift options for each person, too. Keep your list with you and cross off a few people every week. Also keep your eye out for stocking stuffers and similar small items. And as for that whole Black Friday thing – if you don’t enjoy it, skip it! Unless shopping is in your blood, the money you’ll save probably isn’t worth the aggravation.

Wrap as you go. Don’t put all of your wrapping off until the last minute. As you pick things up, go ahead and wrap them as soon as you get a chance. Wrap a couple extras for a guest who shows up unexpectedly and gives you a gift. It helps to have a dedicated wrapping area cornered off that is well-stocked with all the essentials – wrapping paper, scissors, gift tags, tape, etc. The easier you make it for yourself, the more likely you are to get it done.

Simplify, simplify. No matter how cool your friends and family might play it, you are NOT the only one who gets stressed out around the holidays. If the stress of preparations is getting out of hand, don’t be afraid to propose a simplified pot-luck dinner instead of a more elaborate affair or a gift exchange instead of shopping for everyone individually. Even if you just try this approach with a small group of friends or extended family, it’ll be at least a small relief for everyone involved. When it comes to reducing you holiday workload, every little bit helps.

Make friends with the Internet. More and more shoppers are finally taking the plunge and skipping the traditional brick and mortar stores completely. Internet shopping has come a long way in the last few years and you might be surprised at how simple it has gotten. You can easily compare prices and can generally find good deals on shipping that will guarantee arrival in plenty of time for the big day.

Play your cards right. Many people take one look at that mound of Christmas cards and can suddenly think of three or four other things that require their immediate attention. We love getting cards but hate the prospect of doing ours. So we procrastinate until December 22 and pull another 2 a.m. shift to get them in the mail by Christmas. So, I look at my cards as a process. Breaking the project down into smaller pieces makes it seem more manageable. You can even begin now! The first thing I do is create the labels.

Second, I stick them on the envelopes with a return address label and stamp. Next, I write the family newsletter and get it copied onto the special paper. Finally, I set up an assembly line: (a) add a salutation to the card such as “Dearest X Family,” (b) sign our names, (c) enclose the newsletter and a picture, and (d) seal the envelope with a sticker. No licking for me! If you prefer to hand-write your cards, the trick is to write five each day, starting the day after Thanksgiving. Take some with you wherever you go, in case you find some free time: at the doctor’s office, waiting for a meeting to begin, or picking your child up from a lesson.

Cheat. Unless you really enjoy preparing mass quantities of food from scratch, there’s no reason not to take advantage of a short-cut or two. Particularly when it comes to the dessert menu, there are plenty of quick and easy mixes that can help you shave some serious time off of your meal preparation schedule. Just go to the grocery store and find a few easy-to-make offerings or buy something from the deli. For a special touch you can dress your desserts with extra holiday sprinkles or a squiggle of chocolate sauce across the plate for a very restaurant-looking presentation.

Give yourself the gift of time. How about purchasing a few months of housekeeping instead of clothes? Purchase a gift certificate to a restaurant so you don’t have to cook. Have the veterinarian groom your dog instead of doing it yourself, being soaked, and making a mess. Buy a book on tape to listen to in the car on the way to work. Purchase a cell phone and eliminate phone tag by forwarding your calls when you leave the office. Have your groceries delivered once a week for a month (less than the cost of a blouse). Hire a teenager to do the major cleaning required before houseguests arrive.

Remember your priorities. Take shortcuts where it really doesn’t matter: buy cookies instead of baking them or barter a task you don’t like for one you do. I know two women who trade chores at holiday time. One hates to bake; the other hates to do crafts. So one woman decorates the other’s home and wraps her presents beautifully; the other does the meal preparation and holiday baking for the other! Cut out as many social engagements as possible if you want more family time—you can’t go to a school musical when it’s more convenient. Kids appreciate happy and relaxed parents more than perfect decorations.

Get moving! However you choose to get a head start on the holiday season, you won’t regret putting in the extra effort early on. Keep yourself motivated by thinking about how nice it will be to cruise through the end of December stress-free and full of holiday spirit. You might make a date with yourself to visit the mall on the last weekend before Christmas—just so you can observe the mayhem you successfully avoided by being so productive!

© 2008 Laura Stack.

Good fats for better fertility

Once upon a time, and not that long ago, fat was a four-letter word. Diet and nutrition gurus told us (and some still tell us) to cut back on fat whenever and wherever possible. Millions of Americans have dutifully followed that advice. Guided by the low-fat mantra, we tossed out salad dressings and mayonnaise made with olive oil or canola oil in favor of fat-free versions made with extra sugar. We replaced other fats in the diet with carbohydrates, usually the rapidly digested ones in white flour, potatoes, white rice, and sugar. This purge didn’t make us any healthier. It had no effect on heart disease, its intended target. And it may have contributed to the epidemic of obesity sweeping the country.

The big problem with the low-fat approach is that not all fats are bad. Let me say that again, because it runs against what we’ve been hearing for years: Not. All. Fats. Are. Bad. In fact, some fats are downright good for you. This good fat–bad fat dichotomy applies to fertility, too. Some types of fat can help you get pregnant, others get in the way:

• Artery-clogging trans fats contribute to infertility.
• Saturated fat has little effect on fertility, but isn’t so hot for your heart.
• Unsaturated fats are good for fertility, and they’re important for pregnancy, a baby’s healthy development, and long-term heart health.

Out with the bad

Trans fat, the “stealth” fat found in many foods, harms the body in a variety of ways. It boosts the amount of artery-clogging low-density lipoprotein (LDL, or bad cholesterol) in circulation, depresses the amount of protective high-density lipoprotein (HDL, or good cholesterol), promotes low-grade inflammation, and increases the tendency of blood to form clots inside blood vessels. Trans fats are so bad for the heart that eliminating them from the food supply could prevent tens of thousands� of heart attacks, strokes, and other cardiovascular events each year in the United States alone. Trans fats are just as harmful to reproduction. In the Nurses’ Health Study, the participants who ate the most trans fats were the most likely to have developed ovulatory infertility. An effect was seen at the fairly low level of about four grams a day, an amount you can easily exceed with a small order of fast-food fries.

The Institute of Medicine says there’s no safe level of trans fats, and recommends getting less than two grams a day. Foods that contain trans fats include solid margarines, vegetable shortening, some commercial baked goods, and some fast foods. Until 2006, it was tough to tell if a food contained trans fat because it wasn’t listed on food labels along with saturated fat and cholesterol. Today, food labels must carry information about trans fats (see figure). This change has food makers scrambling to find trans-free fats for their products.

A loophole in the law lets food companies say “no trans fat” on the package and list zero trans fat on the label as long as the food contains less than 0.5 grams of per serving. So if you’re serious about clearing trans fats from your diet, you need to squint at food labels’ fine print, where the ingredients are listed. If “partially hydrogenated vegetable oil” or “vegetable shortening” appears in the list, the food contains some trans fat.

Detecting trans fats in a restaurants isn’t as easy, since they don’t have to provide nutrition information about the food they serve. You’re in luck if you live in New York City or Boston, which have banned restaurants from using oils containing trans fats. California is set to phase out trans fats by 2011. Other cities and states are certain to follow suit. One good strategy is avoiding deep-fried foods when eating out, since many restaurants still use partially hydrogenated vegetable oils in their fryers. A KFC Chicken Pot Pie, for example, has 14 grams of trans fat. A Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit with a large order of hash browns at Burger King gives you 18 grams, nearly 10 times the daily healthy limit. Other examples are here.

Moderation in the middle

Saturated fats aren’t across-the-board bad for you like trans fats are. A healthy diet can include some saturated fat. Just don’t overdo it.

In the Nurses’ Health Study, women whose diets included a lot of saturated fat were no more likely to have had ovulatory infertility as women whose diets were low in saturated fat. That isn’t a green light to chow down on foods rich in saturated fat. It strongly influences cholesterol levels, and thus heart health. To stay strong for the baby you hope to be carrying—and the grandchildren you may someday have—go easy on saturated fats. For someone who takes in 2,000 calories a day, that means keeping saturated fat intake under 17 grams. That’s the amount in a fast-food cheeseburger, a three-ounce sirloin steak, or a half slice of a Cheesecake Factory Chocolate Mousse cheesecake.

In with the good

Two fat families—the monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats—are essential for good health. They’re to be embraced, not avoided. That’s doubly true for the group of unsaturated fats known as omega-3 fats. They are especially important for fertility, pregnancy, a baby’s healthy development, and long-term heart health.

Monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats benefit the body in many ways. They lower levels of harmful LDL and increase protective HDL. Monounsaturated fats improve the body’s sensitivity to insulin and ease inflammation. Omega-3 polyunsaturated fats are an important part of cell membranes, and so help regulate what goes in and out of cells. They provide the body with the raw material for hormones that regulate blood clotting, the contraction and relaxation of artery walls, and inflammation. Babies need omega-3 fats to make connections between nerves, both in the womb and after birth. Later in life, omega-3 fats help the heart beat steadily and not lapse into erratic and potentially deadly rhythms.

Good sources of monounsaturated fats are olive oil, peanut oil, canola oil, avocados, nuts such as cashews and almonds, and seeds such as sesame and pumpkin seeds. Good sources of polyunsaturated fats include vegetable oils, especially corn, soybean, and safflower oils; soybeans and other beans; and walnuts. Make it a point to get some omega-3 fats every day. Good sources of these include fatty fish such as tuna, salmon, herring, and anchovies. (In a separate column I’ll try to clear up the confusion about eating fish.) Plants that are good sources of omega-3s include chia seeds (sold as Salvia), flax seeds and flaxseed oil, walnuts and walnut oil.

More detailed information on the health effects of fats in food are available from the Harvard School of Public Health’s NutritionSource.

Next up: Slow carbs for fertility, not no carbs�