As Halloween approaches, and my fifth grader is figuring out what costume to wear, he asked me to list what he dressed as for every one of his past ten Halloweens. As I flipped through the images in my mind—the dinosaur costume he wore as a four-month-old, the monkey costume I put on him the year after—I realized that while he always had a good costume, I never put much effort into the planning and creation of his, or his twin sisters’, Halloween get-ups. Some moms are crafty, and love to decorate for the holidays. I’m neither. Read the rest »

Women are often defined by their relationships to others, and for most of history women followed the single-lane path from being a father’s daughter to a husband’s wife to a child’s mother. While familial labels also apply to males, men have traditionally been allowed to just be whomever they are—without a stated link to someone else. (Think of the notable men, past and present, about whom you know little or nothing regarding their marital and family status.)

I make this observation as a woman who, having left a successful career to become a stay-at-home mom, is now mostly identified by whom I care for rather than the whole of who I am. Most adult women are mothers, but each one of us is a mother and more.

It’s important for men and society-at-large to understand that truth, but it’s essential for women to accept that they needn’t be solely defined by or worse, consumed by, motherhood. I suspect that each of us would be more content in our daily lives, and collectively more supportive of one another, if we abandoned the head games that accompany our work as mothers. (And yes, I consider motherhood and childrearing to be a job.) Hence …. Read the rest »