I am going to dispel some of myths and misinformation that may be fueling your fears and making your job harder especially around Halloween, when your kids want to have some good, scary fun.

Myths, Memories, and Realities
You aren’t alone if you believe that the world is more dangerous today than when you were a child. But, the fact is many of the problems we have now we had thirty years ago. The biggest difference is that today we get bombarded with bad news and it takes a cumulative toll on our peace of mind. This constant barrage of upsetting news causes us to develop an increasingly vulnerable outlook about our ability to keep our kids safe.

Also, you may be grieving over the fact that your children will not have the same “carefree” childhood you had. As children, many of us felt securely anchored in our community and in our neighborhoods. We felt free to cut through backyards, take short cuts, and horror of horrors, and accept homemade unwrapped treats on Halloween!

Today we raise our children with more restrictions, structure and supervision than we grew up with. We enroll our children in supervised after school activities. We impose strict curfews, forbid them from playing outside after dark and require them to check in regularly when they are off with friends. Childhoods now — urban, suburban or rural — are neither the childhoods we had, nor the childhoods we would have invented for our children.

Prepare Don’t Scare Your Kids
If you were raised on warnings and scare tactics, you may believe the false wisdom that it’s important to “scare some sense” in to your kids. The opposite is true. Fear disables kids. It prevents them from thinking on their feet, from judging a situation accurately and from acting in self-protectively. You empower children by teaching them exactly what to do, not by warning them about what could happen if they disobey you or use poor judgment.

Recognize the difference between what children need to learn and what you think you need to tell them. Leave your fears, bad experiences, and our old wounds out of the lesson. Share those with a supportive adult.

There are an endless number of things you can worry about today. But, you shouldn’t teach your kids what you are worried about. The amount of time they will actually listen to you is too short for you to fill it with your fears.

Protecting Kids Today
Protecting our children today means being more active in helping kids learn how to gauge what’s safe. But we don’t protect children by hovering over them. We protect them by using age appropriate expectations and by taking into account their strengths and their vulnerabilities. We also protect them by setting limits, supervising them, and making sure they can successfully deal with potential problems before we say “yes.”

To keep your children safe on Halloween:

• Protect them from situations beyond their abilities. For example, young children shouldn’t be expected to navigate the streets without an adult supervising them. Older siblings are not a good substitute for a parent on Halloween. Most prefer to be with their friends that night and should be allowed to do that if they can behave responsibly.
• Prepare them for situations before they are expected to deal with them. Discuss Halloween safety tips with all of your children, no matter what age they are. Emphasize tips that are especially important in your neighborhood or that were a challenge last year. Get your kids’ agreement that they will follow the safety rules.
• Observe and talk about and situations you encounter. If you are supervising your children on Halloween night, think of it as a practice session and use the many teachable moments that come up. For example, point out safe and unsafe behavior when you see it, whether it is kids crossing the street or navigating the sidewalks in costumes that limit their vision. Explain that only on Halloween night can children accept candy from people they don’t know. The possibilities are endless and you can point out safety behavior without putting a damper on your kids’ fun.

So, how do you face your fears on Halloween and every other day of the year? By walking that thin and important line between exposing children to life’s possibilities and protecting them from life’s burdens. Yes, you need to see your neighborhoods and streets for what they are and prepare your children to navigate them safely. But, don’t scare your kids about Halloween. Leave that to the ghosts and goblins they meet along their trick-or-treat route.

Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but here are some practical tips for how to worry less and enjoy parenting more.

Find a pediatrician you like. In many ways, your pediatrician is like a partner. In fact, some women say that during the first couple of years, they talked to their pediatrician more than their husbands! Choose a pediatrician who offers practical advice and knows how to listen. Remember, there are no dumb questions when it’s about your child. Also, it is a good idea to interview several pediatricians and choose the one that best matches your childcare philosophies.

Incorporate time-saving products and services into your daily routine, when you can. Without a doubt, parenting is one of the richest and most satisfying roles we play. It is also filled with repetitive, routine tasks that can zap our best energy. There has been an explosion of modern conveniences designed to save you time and sanity. For example, tear-free shampoos can help avoid bath-time battles; home-cooked meal delivery services ensure a nutritious dinner on the table. Of course, some of these luxuries may not fit in your budget, but decide where it makes sense to invest a little money to gain some time to do things that matter to you. Who said busy moms can’t read a book, take a long leisurely bath, or go to a yoga class? Balance each day to include something you enjoy. Time saving tools can help.

Plan ahead for tomorrow. To make your morning less hectic, spend a few minutes at night making tomorrow’s bottles and cups, picking out clothes, packing an “on the go” bag, etc. Make a to-do list so you don’t forget important errands. If your children are in pre school or older, let them participate in this routine. In the course of managing your time well, you are teaching them valuable skills such as planning ahead, organizing, and problem solving.

Establish a predictable night-time routine and create comforting rituals. Reading, singing or a warm bath at the same time each night will help your child understand it is time to go to sleep. Let your child use a safe comfort object to provide security. Keep an “open door” policy to make your child feel connected to you at night. The cuddling and intimacy of your evening routine will help your child say good bye until morning as well as create precious memories for you. With older children past the “read-me-a-story” stage, take a few minutes to relax with them. Most importantly, before you leave their room, tell them how much you love them and how glad you are that they are yours…no matter what kind of day it’s been.

Avoid power struggles. Children don’t want to interrupt their playtime to do something we care about, like putting toys away. Help your child cooperate with you by easing into transitions with plenty of notice, by allowing them to make choices (“Do you want to put this sock on first or the other one?”) and by turning routine tasks like getting dressed into games and contests. You may not want to see the world through your child’s eyes when you are in a hurry. But, that extra minute you invest can mean the difference between a temper tantrum and a hug.

Play is a powerful antidote to stress. I always say, “Where there is flexibility and forgiveness, fun’s not far behind.” Forgive yourself for the unfolded baskets of laundry and the leftovers for dinner. Design flexible schedules for yourself and don’t let your to-do lists push you around. Parenting offers wonderful opportunities to rediscover and enjoy the child within you. Playing and laughing with your children not only deepens your relationship with them, it lightens your load and reduces your stress.