I had the pleasure of interviewing a man who has been called one of the nation’s leading sex experts. Michael Castleman has written several books, and many articles for magazines such as Reader’s Digest, Self, Playboy, Family Circle, Parenting, Health, Child, Mademoiselle, Glamour, American Health, Psychology Today, Men’s Health, and so many more. He is a wonderful, kind man and highly respected in the health community.

SG: You have been called one of the nation’s leading sex experts, written 10 books, and published over 1000 articles in the last 30 years. What sparked your interest to get started on this path?

MC: It was an accident. In 1973, I was volunteering at a free clinic in Ann Arbor, MI, that did a great deal of birth control counseling, pregnancy testing, and STD treatment. I began writing about those subjects for the local alternative weekly. As Valentine’s Day approached, David Fenton, then the editor and publisher of the Ann Arbor Sun, asked me to write a cover story called How to Make Love. I refused. I was 23. What did I know? But he would not take no for an answer. He knew my girlfriend (now wife), Anne. She leaned on me to write the article. Masters and Johnson’s two books (Human Sexual Behavior and Human Sexual Inadequacy) had just come out in paperback. I read them and became fascinated. I read several other sex books. I wrote the article. I’ve been writing about sexuality ever since.

SG: One of the most asked questions I have been getting recently is on the topic of introducing a toy into a relationship. I have spoken to many women who want to start using toys in the bedroom, but are afraid to introduce it because they have never used one as a couple before. What advice would you give to these women? (more…)

Some of the biggest questions I have received recently are on loss of libido after pregnancy. Most women have a huge drop in their readiness and desire to have sex after pregnancy for many reasons. Some of the main ones are:

• Stress
• Exhaustion
• Fear of getting pregnant again
• Massive hormone imbalance
• Loss of self-confidence in body image

After a pregnancy, our entire bodies change more rapidly and dramatically than during puberty, and suddenly our whole world is different. My friend, Michele, asked this question, and I am sure most of us can identify with it. “I used to like sex and then now I can’t stand it. I hate the way I look naked and I have no sexual drive anymore.” Almost all women feel this way after having a baby and most of us have “baby baggage” that just hasn’t gone away yet. Most women feel like they are doing something wrong by not losing the weight, especially those who know one of the lucky women who lost the weight quickly after her pregnancy. Also, there are always pictures in magazines and on television showing women that lost weight dramatically and quickly. What people don’t think about is that most of these women pay people to stay with their children so they can spend several hours in a gym with a personal trainer. It is unlikely for the rest of us to be able to do the same. The best way to help lose the weight after pregnancy is diet and exercise, and you should talk that over with your doctor to help decide what will work best for you. What about the sexual aspect though? (more…)

Do you ever miss the days where it was easy to just take off for a night and be spontaneous? Go to the movies, the beach, a nice dinner, and not have to plan ahead? As parents, our lives have to be planned out to the minute sometimes. When we want a night alone with our partner, it isn’t as easy as getting in the car and just finding something random. Now, in our new lives, we have to make reservations in advance, and schedule a babysitter to be there just in time so we can rush to make it to dinner. If you think about the $20 a plate for a nice restaurant, plus the $25 babysitting fees for you even to be able to get out together, it becomes sometimes impractical and expensive. So scrap your usual plans of dinner and a movie and spend a night at home together for a romantic night in.

Here are a few tips and ideas for your romantic night at home with your partner:

• First of all, make sure that you won’t be interrupted. Talk to some other parents that you are friends with and plan a sleepover so each of you can have a night alone with your partner. If your kids are a little older, leave them a note saying something like “Parents date night, do not interrupt after 9 pm.”
• Bubble bath for two- A wonderful way to start out your evening and leave you both relaxed and completely touchable. (more…)

The house is a mess, the kids are screaming, dinner is burning, and the phone is ringing. We have all had days like this and it is frazzling to the mind and the emotions. After we get married, it seems like life is just one big honeymoon. We are finally with that one person that makes us feel whole, and alive. A little while down the road we find out that the family will be complete with a child. Nine months later, our world is filled with late night feedings, a crying baby, dirty diapers, stress, and lack of sleep. Soon things change and she lifts her head and rolls over, not long after she is walking and talking. We get all excited and happy when she uses the “potty” for the first time. A few years later it is school and soccer games. In all this focusing on being a parent, where is the focus on a time for being a couple?

A recent survey tells us that 50% of women are unhappy with their sex lives. I asked five of my friends, who are also parents, if they are happy with the level of intimacy in their marriage, and all five of them said it could be better. We have come to know that love, intimacy and a strong friendship are the basis of a good marriage. When we become parents, we tend to put the intimacy on the back burner and focus on the children. As a military wife and mother to a one year old little boy, I am a strong advocate for women to remember that they are more than just a parent, they are part of a couple. The couple whose love and passion started the experience of becoming a parent in the first place. The stress of life and being a parent can take a serious toll on the personal relationship of a couple. Nora Ephron, a renowned novelist and screenwriter once wrote, “When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was.” (more…)