I think the most important thing you can do as a parent is to sponsor good self esteem in your child. If a child believes in themselves and feels good about themselves, they can do most anything. One way to sponsor self esteem is to help children to occupy their free time in ways that are productive, and to encourage them to not only play with their friends, but to do something that creates a passion for them and a meaning in life.

My son is very involved in sports, and loves most of them. Although as a mother I complain about the schedule, and parental driving obligations, I am so glad that he has this interest and passion. It keeps him busy and away from more destructive behaviors that kids often get involved in when they have nothing better to do. I recently went to my stepdaughter’s play, and the cast was so united and connected as a group. They were planning their next play. Kids need connections like these. They need help from parents to decide what interests them if they don’t naturally have a specific interest. (more…)

I think the most important thing you can do as a parent is to sponsor good self esteem in your child. If a child believes in themselves and feels good about themselves, they can do most anything. One way to sponsor self esteem is to help children to occupy their free time in ways that are productive, and to encourage them to not only play with their friends, but to do something that creates a passion for them and a meaning in life.

My son is very involved in sports, and loves most of them. Although as a mother I complain about the schedule, and parental driving obligations, I am so glad that he has this interest and passion. It keeps him busy and away from more destructive behaviors that kids often get involved in when they have nothing better to do. I recently went to my stepdaughter’s play, and the cast was so united and connected as a group. They were planning their next play. Kids need connections like these. They need help from parents to decide what interests them if they don’t naturally have a specific interest.

Sometimes kids don’t know what they want to do, or don’t want to make the effort. This is often because of fear. They don’t think that they will do well so are afraid to try. As a parent you must talk to them about that fear, and be aware enough to know that they have it. Sometimes parents don’t pick up on the fear, and just feel that the child is lazy or a homebody. (more…)

I become increasingly concerned when I see the expectations being forced upon kids nowadays. It seems that so many kids are cutting themselves, a newer form of stress reduction, and engaging in other escapist, avoidant behaviors to dodge the pressure cooker they live in every day called school. Teachers are pressured by state requirements, they, in turn, pressure the kids, and the parents become pressured by the teacher and the school’s expectations.

Sometimes the expectations are over the top, and your job as a parent is to realize when that is happening and when the expectations are reasonable.

So many kids tell me that if they miss a day or two of school, they are so far behind, that they say, “Why bother,” and subsequently get a poor grade. Kids get sick, and they should feel that they can take the time they need to get well. (more…)

As a mother and a professional therapist, my heart has been broken many times listening to the tales of life in the fast lane of 5th and 6th grade girls. I have likened the experiences to that of prisoners trying to get through their day unharmed, by knowing the right people and keeping their mouths shut. Apparently there is and will always be a social order, of who is best and who is not, and the who is not will always suffer.

The ‘popular kids’ are always the same. I was in school 40 years ago, and it was the same as kids describe now. The kids that wear the expensive clothes, Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister are the big ones now, and play sports, and can do school well, be cheery and outgoing, (and a big huge home helps), become popular. The kids who are not the straight cookie cutter variety, often are left out, misunderstood, or considered weird. The popular kids either deliberately or inadvertently make life hell for the others. (more…)

Just like a car needs gas to run, we need food to run our bodies and minds. The difference between a car and our minds, is that we have emotions, feelings and thoughts. Cars don’t.

We also need fuel to run our minds effectively to deal with the challenges, disappointments, roadblocks and stop signs of life. Emotional development — teaching kids to feel comfortable with themselves, their feelings and thoughts — is the fuel for brain and mind development. If you don’t help your child develop in this way, they will limp through life, missing stop signs, danger signs and turn left notifications. They will be unable to unload the feelings that pile up in the body, because they won’t know how to cope with them. They will drink to deal, use drugs to deal, be closed and disconnected, work endlessly to avoid feeling, and have cavemen conversations, like, “huh/what? Talk to you later.” No substance, no depth, surface lives, surface chatter, surface relations with others. (more…)

If you want to have kids who use their brains effectively, you have to communicate with them rationally. In other words, you must make sense.

If you as a parent are rational, fair, open minded and diplomatic, you will parent just fine. This doesn’t mean never yelling, or getting angry. It doesn’t mean saying yes politely to all requests. It means thinking things out and assertively directing your child toward a better choice when needed.

For example, my sixth grader recently wanted a cell phone. She told me that she was the last kid in her class not to have one. I realize that now this is true, although I don’t understand who these kids are calling, maybe Ghostbusters!

It seems ridiculous to me to pay money for a phone, to look cool — Razors, Chocolates, Parfaits, Angel phones – when there is no one to call other than a friend to ask “What’s up! Did Angie talk to you today?” Now, if a child needs to reach a parent because of family needs, that’s a different story, but these cases are rare. I say to my child, “ I know you would like that phone. Who wouldn’t when everyone has one?” But I don’t think it is necessary to have a phone in sixth grade, and I really can’t spend the money for things we don’t really need.’’ (more…)