You and your little one are in a situation many parents and children find difficult. It’s good you’re reaching out to see if there’s a fresh way to think about what’s going on for him. It’s clear that you want the best for him!

A child’s mind doesn’t really understand why their parent would find anything else in the whole world more interesting than being with *them.* And children do need a sense of connection in order to function well: they need to feel that someone has them in mind, someone is tracking them, someone will put them first if need be. That sense of connection is what their minds need in order to learn and feel good about themselves and others. You’re keeping him at home so he’s not disconnected from you, but when you have to work, that sense frays anyhow. And you do need to get your work done!

You and your son might find the tool of “Special Time” very useful. There’s more about it on our website, and many parent success stories about Special Time…you set aside 10 minutes or 20 minutes to do whatever your child wants to do, and devote your absolutely undivided attention (no answering the phone, no cups of tea, no picking lint off the carpet during Special Time) and your delight to your child. Whatever he chooses to do is what you do. When it’s over, the timer goes off, you give a big hug, and move to doing what you need to do. This will probably bring up feelings: a tantrum, crying about how “mean” you are, etc. At this point, you hold your child, and “Staylisten,” which means letting him tell you how badly he feels, how “bad” you are, how his life isn’t what he wants, while you listen and care. You don’t argue back, no matter how much you want to say, “But I do so much for you! Don’t you get it?” You listen, because as he cries, he’s getting feelings flushed out of his system that cloud his ability to feel your love. When he’s finished, (and it may be a long time before he’s done!) he’ll feel much better, and less frantic about having your attention every moment.

That said, there might be solutions that aren’t “all day long at home” versus “all day long in care.” Children his age benefit from play with others, and there are usually part day programs that introduce them to group situations with other children, without separating them from their parents all day long. THere are also friends and home day care situations that can be part time in many towns and cities. These are usually very beneficial to children his age, if the adults are warm and kind. You would get more done, and would probably feel better about yourself if you had some uninterrupted time to go all out on your work.

THere’s more on using LIstening Tools to help you and your son navigate the things that have to be done in concert with each other more of the time on our website, at . It’s great that you’re looking for support, and are so thoughtful and observant about your little boy and his needs.