Parenting 101: The Night I Kicked The Bassinet

Bringing home baby changes everything, including, of course, your sleeping habits. I can say with almost certainty that a complete night of sleep will never be the same again once you become a parent. But the first few months are undoubtedly like no others. You are anxious about leaving your little angel for even a few moments of rest. What if you fall so soundly asleep that you miss some urgent need your baby may have? And when you finally are exhausted enough to drift off and relax, that little bundle is sure to wake you up with a piercing cry that you certainly could not have missed if you were in a bunker.

There is an age old struggle of how to get your newborn baby to sleep longer and longer stretches. Should we feed him more, let him cry, dream feed, or shorten day naps? What sleep books should we read and follow like the bible? And by the time we have it all figured out, our little one has beat us to it and finds her own way to get the sleep she needs. However, until that time, it is PAINFUL.

For me, not sleeping can be compared to having teeth pulled. I need my sleep, and without it I am a different person while I am awake: short tempered, cranky, edgy and some other lovely qualities that I care not to admit. I can recall one particular night maybe a week or two after my daughter was born that my husband and I had reached our breaking point. Stella woke up and would not return to sleep no matter what we did or how we did it. We fed her, changed her, rocked her, held her, sang to her, and put her in the swing, the car seat, and dare I say it, our bed! But her crying persisted and persisted until it was already time for her next feeding. We finally gave up and put her back into the bassinet while her wailing persisted. Suddenly I became so overwhelmed and angry that I actually kicked the bassinet that my sleeping child lay in! Ok, so it wasn’t too hard, and she barely flinched, but what scared me was that I actually had a desire to do this. How could I even think of attempting to hurt this precious little baby, who I adored and loved so much just because I selfishly needed to sleep? Looking back I now, of course, realize that it was not simply my need for sleep that landed me in that place. Several contributing factors came into play that all new parents should be aware of during the first few weeks.

First, there was anxiety. All new parents, whether they realize it or not, are anxious in some way. Whether you are worried about your parental instincts kicking in, or how you are taking care of the baby, or finances, baby’s health or familial issues, there is anxiety in many forms that creeps up on us unexpectedly during these first few weeks. Next, there is change: change in our schedule, our eating and sleeping habits, our relationship with our spouse, our amount of free time, our work schedule, sex life and the list goes on and on. Next on the list is frustration. We had this baby and we are expected to know exactly what to do with him. We should know why he is crying or when he needs to eat, or if he is sick or just gassy. We were prepared — we read all the books, took all the classes, we have college degrees and we still don’t know what this screaming child needs or wants from us. Ouch! Mix the anxiety with the change, and the frustration with sleepless nights, and you will have two very overwhelmed people who may or may not be thinking straight.

The key to success in getting through these crazy eight weeks is no magic secret. It’s just that — getting through them. Time will tick away and a new routine will form and you will grow accustomed to it. Your anxiety will decrease, and you will feel more relaxed in your new role. You will get to know your baby and begin to have a better understanding of his or her needs. And suddenly you will realize you don’t need nine hours of sleep, but your body has readjusted and six or seven good ones will be just fine. And then just like the pangs of labor that suddenly disappear, sleepless nights will be a faded memory when you are off to next phase of parenting…like child proofing your house and weaning off bottles! Like any rewarding job, there’s always a new challenge.