Some of the biggest questions I have received recently are on loss of libido after pregnancy. Most women have a huge drop in their readiness and desire to have sex after pregnancy for many reasons. Some of the main ones are:
• Stress
• Exhaustion
• Fear of getting pregnant again
• Massive hormone imbalance
• Loss of self-confidence in body image
After a pregnancy, our entire bodies change more rapidly and dramatically than during puberty, and suddenly our whole world is different. My friend, Michele, asked this question, and I am sure most of us can identify with it. “I used to like sex and then now I can’t stand it. I hate the way I look naked and I have no sexual drive anymore.” Almost all women feel this way after having a baby and most of us have “baby baggage” that just hasn’t gone away yet. Most women feel like they are doing something wrong by not losing the weight, especially those who know one of the lucky women who lost the weight quickly after her pregnancy. Also, there are always pictures in magazines and on television showing women that lost weight dramatically and quickly. What people don’t think about is that most of these women pay people to stay with their children so they can spend several hours in a gym with a personal trainer. It is unlikely for the rest of us to be able to do the same. The best way to help lose the weight after pregnancy is diet and exercise, and you should talk that over with your doctor to help decide what will work best for you. What about the sexual aspect though?
I talk with women from all walks of life every day and all of them have something that they don’t like about their body. They don’t know what to do to help them feel sexy and want to be intimate with their partner. Here are a few ways that may help you:
• First of all relax and remember that your partner doesn’t love you just because of the way you look. What is important to him is the person that you are.
• Tell your partner how you feel. Communication helps build intimacy and trust.
• Do something to take your mind off of what you don’t like about your body and focus on something you do like.
• Work with what you got. If you have large hips and breasts, own it! Choose clothing or lingerie that hide the parts you don’t like and show off the parts you do. Slowly you will find yourself liking what you see in the mirror.
• If you don’t want to have sex with the lights on, it’s ok you don’t have to. Try candles, they are relaxing and not as bright so you don’t feel as though you are on display.
• Do what makes you feel sexy — a warm shower or bath, lingerie, or try something with pheromones that makes your partner fall all over you.
• There are great products on the market that help get you in the mood. My favorite, and the best in my opinion, is called Pure Satisfaction. It comes in pill and gel form, and it is used to enhance libido and provide a healthier and more active sex life. It is also safe and encouraged for both men and women.
If you would like more information about anything that I have mentioned, or you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail me at Shiloh@intimatepassions.net and check out my website at www.intimatepassions.net.
By Shiloh on 11/9/06 in Parents, Columns, Sex After Parenthood
tag this | permalink | trackback url
November 10th, 2006 at 1:42 am
Please, please, stop perpetuating the myth that women’s lack of interest after a baby’s birth is simply about body image and exhaustion. First of all, women are worried enough about the way they look, especially after having a baby, without having all the books and supposedly “helpful’ columns attribute those concerns to difficulties with sex after parenthood,too. Let’s not increase the pressure to focus on how we look. The rest of the truth (that you only allude to) is that if you are breastfeeding your child your hormones are so out of balance that your libido is nonexistent. As in, you simply cannot really become aroused and sex is painful. I have heard that this is the case for so many women, yet it’s this secret that people and books and advice columns rarely mention. Then women feel worse, abnormal, and isolated, and the husbands feel confused and rejected. Please, if you’re going to talk about this important topic, talk about it all, not just the surface stuff.
November 13th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
The way I read the column was that there are many reasons people feel the need to slowly ease their way back into sex (as outlined in the beginning of the column). This particular column dedicated its few paragraphs to ONE of the many reasons. I can’t imagine the people contributing to this site have the capability of discussing the full realm of their expertise in a mere 4 paragraphs. I am sure people interested in reading detailed information on the many reasons for loss of sexual drive will turn their focus to websites that solely focus on that issue.
Kudos to this columnist and the huge variety of other columnists who spend their time offering their advice and opinions to the audience that Cleverparents attracts. I love the diverse topics that Cleverparents offers.
November 14th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
Thank you so much for your post. I agree with what you said, there is too much focus on how we look and there are many factors that we deal with after birth that affects our libido. I will happily write on the topic of breastfeeding and the changes it makes to a woman’s body, because it is a real issue and women need to know that they are not alone. The questions that were sent to me on this topic where from women inquiring about simple things to do to help them feel sexier and more comfortable with their body after child birth and breastfeeding. I do appreciate your thoughts on the subject and will address these additional issues in future columns. Thank you for reading and I look forward to all the women out there who can share their experiences with me, creating more diverse columns in the future.
November 21st, 2006 at 8:43 pm
After becoming a mother for the first time, my libido was so bad my husband and I spent thousands on sex therapy. All for nothing, there was nothing wrong with me but low estrogen and low testosterone. Taking Estratest helped me. Why does everyone blame postpartum low libido on psychological causes? Thanks very much for writing on this topic.