Clever Living: 6 Lessons Learned from the First Trip to the Dentist

No, I’m not waxing rhapsodic about my own first trip to the dentist… this is about Henry’s first trip, which seems to have scarred me more than it did him. Hopefully. Anyway, I wanted to take Henry to the dentist because his third birthday is right around the corner and I’ve heard that’s a good time to start going. So, sticking to the books as I tend to do, I ignored my inner warning bells (remember my Not-So-Clever Parent Vaseline debacle when I ignored my instincts?) and scheduled the appointment.

Lesson #1: Bring only the child who has the appointment.
I arrived at the dentist office with Henry and Will in tow. Skip back a few weeks, when I first scheduled the appointment, I received a packet of info in the mail including the dentist offices ‘best practices’ which include your child going off to the dentist alone while Mommy or Daddy waits in the waiting room. Hmmm. That didn’t sound like something Henry would like, but I figured they do this all the time and probably know best. (And I also thought I could easily bring Will and play with him while Henry was getting his teeth cleaned.) I was a little (read: very) concerned about Henry because he likes his routine and he likes what he knows and who he knows, so throw him in a new environment with new people and rip him out of Mommy’s arms while he’s trying to adjust and we might have a bit of a situation on our hands.

Lesson #2: Be on time.
I arrived at the dentist office with the boys. 10 minutes late. Henry had a painting class that ended just before the appointment and I did the whole quick change artist maneuver in the parking lot so Henry didn’t look like a vagabond. (Note to self: probably should have gone in painting clothes, Mommy rushing things is not the stuff of easy transitions…) He was really nervous in the car, but immediately warmed up to the play area for children in the waiting room. Every few minutes a dental assistant would enter the room and call a child’s name and that child would happily walk towards the door, leaving whoever brought them behind without much thought. I braced myself.

Lesson #3: Prepare your child for the visit.
“Henry?” questioned the dental assistant. Henry tentatively looked towards her and I motioned and suggested that he go ahead, “Dr. Pretzer is very nice - everyone is very excited to see you here today.” “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” screamed my almost three year old at the top of his lungs, realizing that Mommy would not be accompanying him. (I immediately regretted not preparing him for this part of the visit.) Henry’s cries frightened Will, who also started crying (see Lesson #1). So we’re in the otherwise silent waiting room. Henry is screaming. Will is crying loudly. The dental ‘assistant’ takes Henry away screaming. Traumatized, I pull Will into me for a hug meanwhile listening to the sound of Henry screaming bloody murder. Tears came to my eyes and I started to get up and go to Henry when the silence arrived. I took a tentative deep breath.

Lesson #4: Do your homework.
Within a couple of minutes, Henry’s screaming started again from behind the closed door and the assistant rushed me back to Henry’s room. It seems that when Henry saw the wide open room and a number of people wearing surgical type masks on their faces, it frightened him. In hindsight, I think bringing Henry for a quick tour of the dental office along with an explanation about what would happen during his visit would have made a big difference.

Lesson #5: Confirm the details.
When I first scheduled Henry’s appointment I requested the dentist who had been recommended to me by several people. So, in talking to Henry ahead of time about the visit I used the dentist’s name to help him feel more comfortable. Unfortunately, a different dentist from the practice was the one who met with Henry.

Lesson #6: Prepare the Dentist (and Office Staff)
If instinct tells you that your child is going to be fearful, sensitive, cautious or otherwise uncomfortable with his first trip, talk to the dentist and/or the office staff ahead of time (or upon arrival at the office - before your child is taken to the exam area). Telling the people about your concerns up front gives them a little ownership to try to help make the experience a pleasant one. I wonder if I had mentioned my son’s hesitation at the front desk if the person coming to retrieve him would have acted more friendly and welcoming. Perhaps.

In the end, the dentist was able to give Henry an exam (no cleaning this time), while I held his hand and comforted him and we left on a relatively good note. Had I known that things were going to transpire as they did, I would have followed my own advice.