Pediatrician’s Perspective: Clever Parents Want to Know About Minimizing School Anxiety in Their Children

What can parents do to minimize school anxiety in their children, especially those who are just starting?

Every one experiences some anxiety when starting something new, so it is not surprising that someone starting kindergarten or starting in a new school is going to feel some concerns.

The basic response should be low key and positive, but can also acknowledge the child’s concerns. “It is scary to start something new, but in a few days you’ll know just what to do.” Make sure you project no anxiety about it yourself. Parents often have mixed feelings about sending their child out into the world. I remember bursting into tears as the school bus pulled away when my daughter went to Kindergarten.

Give the child strategies to cope with problems. “If you need to use the bathroom/you forget what bus you’re on/you didn’t understand what you are supposed to do, tell the teacher or the aide.”

Persistent anxiety is a little more difficult. Sometimes the child is anxious or worried about losing contact with the parent, not being at home. Before school, show the child as you give a big showy kiss to a Kleenex, then let the child take it to school and hold it to his face “to get a kiss” whenever he is missing home. Or let him take a small possession of yours to school. It can be a reminder for the day.

Every once in a while, there is a good reason for the child’s anxiety—a bully in the class room, some expectation that the child simply can’t meet. Sometimes the child can tell you what’s wrong. Sometimes you can talk to the teachers and get a feeling for how distressed your child really is and what’s causing it.

Many schools like parent involvement in the classroom. Some will let you observe. In some you can join your child for lunch. Your presence can reassure the child, can give you a better idea of what is going on, and can be very helpful to the teachers.

Older children often stress about meeting the demands of a higher grade. Keep expectations reasonable and kind. Offer support and assistance as indicated.