Moms of Boys: Finding Humor and Support in a Sea of Testosterone

Is your house overrun with testosterone? Are you a mom of boys and want to learn more about what makes your fellas tick? We have just the resource for you. MomsofBoys.org is an informational and support network for moms who have sons, whether it’s one or multiple sons. Inspired by her own feelings of being “overwhelmed by all the ‘guy’ stuff in (her) home — from the way they communicate (or don’t communicate) to the bathroom humor to the athletic cups all over the house,” writer Sharon O’Donnell decided to create an online resource with informational links, humorous articles and quotes dedicated to moms who have one or more sons. “Moms need to know they are not alone in this sea of testosterone.” Through the site Sharon has heard from moms of boys from all over the U.S. and a few countries “and it’s been a wonderful experience for me.”

Clever Parents caught up with Sharon to seek her advice to new moms of a baby boy, the most important lessons she has learned from her own sons and finding time for herself.

Clever Parents: What is your advice to the new mom of a baby boy?
Sharon O’Donnell:
If it’s the first-time mom of a boy: Enjoy and savor the wonderful experience of having a son. Bond with him by cuddling with him and spending lots of time with him. Have his father bond with him as much as possible, too. As he grows and perhaps exhibits lots of energy and likes to play ‘good guy, bad guy’ games, don’t let people make you feel he shouldn’t do this or that a mom should keep him from this. Some boys (a lot of boys, actually) seem to have this innate desire to play games like this, and moms should not feel guilty about it. That said, it’s also good, I think, to try to let boys explore other games and to expose them to other types of games. My youngest one had a doll for the first couple of years of his life. He never played with it, just held it sometimes, which I hoped encouraged him to be nurturing. He’s long since abandoned the doll, but he does like to help with younger kids. Read to him every day if you can because it’s important for children, especially boys, to love reading, which leads to a love of school.

If it’s a mom who already has a boy: You know how blessed you are to have a son because you’ve already experienced this blessing at least once before. But remember that this boy will be different in some ways from the others, that he’s his own person. That’s one thing that makes the journey of parenting so exciting. Yet, I’ve heard from women who have two or three or four sons and is disappointed that she’s having yet another boy because she’s dreamed of having a girl. Yes, part of me wanted a daughter, too. Don’t feel guilty about feeling this disappointment, which you’ll probably feel at times like watching little girls playing Barbies or ’school’ or seeing a mom and daughter out shopping or even seeing your niece or other bride come down the aisle at her wedding, knowing you’ll never see your dreamed-of daughter come down the aisle. Still, this disappointment should not be so deep that you’re sad about this a lot of the time. Boys are terrific!! (and yes they usually are easier than girls in the teen years).

The bottom line to any mom is that we’re all guilty at times of being so busy that we forget to appreciate the present. One of my favorite words is the word ’savor’. We really need to savor the moments of raising our sons. I hold my six-year-old more often now, realizing soon he’ll be too big for me to pick up or hold on my lap, just like my other two have become.

Clever Parents: What are the most important things your sons have taught you?

• Males and females do indeed communicate differently. Sometimes just because boys are quiet, that doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling and thinking things. It’s like walking a thin line in knowing when to talk to them and what about and how much. But it’s worth the effort.
• Sometimes we have to advocate for them, while at other times, they must advocate for themselves. Another thin line.
• Spending time with them is invaluable. I play basketball with my boys, and also try to take an interest in other hobbies of theirs.
• Slow down and don’t overschedule them.

Clever Parents: Since you have to have one now, what’s your favorite sport to watch?

Sharon O’Donnell: That’s a tough one. Luckily, I’m a sports fan and understand most rules of sports so it’s fun for me, too. I can’t imagine sitting at a baseball game and not understanding what’s going on on the field. That would be boring. Knowing the rules makes it exciting. And sports is a great way to teach some of life’s lessons, too, as long as the guys don’t take sports TOO seriously — which definitely is a possibility in our house. Basketball has always been my favorite sport to play and watch, but we watch college ball, not NBA because college ball is more interesting and exciting to us. We are N.C. State fans in all college sports. However, since marrying my husband who was a huge Boston Red Sox fan, I’ve also become a huge Red Sox fan and love watching them play baseball. We’ve been to Boston and Baltimore to watch them play. Same with the Carolina Hurricanes. We’ve been fans since the team came to the area and have been to many games. We also are big Carolina Panthers fans and have been to Charlotte for a game. So it’s not so much having a specific favorite sport, as it has become watching and pulling for one of our teams. I’d rather watch the Panthers play football than two other teams that are not the Hurricanes play hockey, and vice versa.

Clever Parents: How do you find time for you in a household of males?
Sharon O’Donnell: Usually, I don’t, which is why I started the website and why I was inspired to write my humor book, “House of Testosterone - One Mom’s Survival in a Household of Males”, which will be released by Jefferson Press in late November. There are simply not enough hours in the day to get done everything I need/want to do. Often, I stay up until the wee morning hours working on the computer, writing, etc., and I’m too old for that. I could do that in college okay but not now. I have some friends - Robyn, Amy, and Michelle — who are lots of fun, and I try to get together with them every now and then - not as often as we like or need. Every now and then, I go to a late movie by myself (nice!) and sometimes I just go drive in the car and listen to the radio — anything to get out of the house. Of course, there is also the local Moms of Boys group that gets together every few months, and that is always fantastic! I’ve also been on a few weekends away, but I’m talking one weekend every two or three years. Not nearly enough. I look at those trips for women websites and salivate!

Clever Parents: What are your goals for momsofboys.org?
Sharon O’Donnell: I’d like to continue to make the site as comprehensive as possible, adding things or expanding on things. One of the site’s visitors once described it to me in an email as a ‘cornucopia of goodies for moms of boys’. Of course, I’d like for more women to find out about the site, and I continue to market it in small steps.

Clever Parents: What is the best thing that a mom can impart to her boys?
Sharon O’Donnell: I feel that it’s important for a mom to let her boys know it’s okay and even a good thing for them to show their emotions. If I ask, “How did you like the movie?” and they say “good”, I press for more.

I also feel that it’s important for them to be nurturing so they’ll be compassionate and hopefully be good fathers and husbands some day. I try to show them this. I’ve found that getting our pet — a little long-haired dachshund — has really brought out this side of them. Probably one of the best things my husband and I have done for our sons. I also like to ‘check in’ with them at nighttime, whether it’s to scratch their back, read a book, or simply ask about their schedule for the next day. Try to always have prayers and a good-night hug or kiss on the forehead.

Clever Parents: Anything else you’d like to share?
Sharon O’Donnell: My husband is really into Boy Scouts and has been a leader for years. He firmly believes that Scouting and other such organizations helps boys to set goals and work to achieve them. I agree. Although Scouting might not be for everybody (camping either appeals to you or it doesn’t), I think it’s important for boys to be involved in some type of community/church organization.

Sharon is a Clever Parent to three lucky boys Billy, 15, David, 12, and Jason, 6. Visit her website at www.momsofboys.org