Diapers? We don’t need no stinkin’ diapers!

Like virtually everything else in the parenting world, there is rarely one answer to any one question. Potty training is no different. When do you start trying to train your little one? Advice from doctors and most parents tends to fall in the 2 to 3 year old range. If you ask Melinda Rothstein and Elizabeth Parise of DiaperFreeBaby, their response will likely surprise you.

DiaperFreeBaby is an organization based on a common philosophy about infants and their elimination needs. The belief is that babies are aware of their eliminations from birth and can maintain the awareness of their “toilet muscles” by learning how to release them. Just as a baby signals when he is hungry or tired, he can also, recognize elimination needs. Moreover, if parents work with their babies by watching for signs, using cue sounds, changing diapers frequently and talking with them about what’s going on, babies can ditch diapers much sooner than conventional wisdom suggests. Intrigued? So were we. Clever Parents caught up with Melinda Rothstein and Elizabeth Parise to learn more about diapers, elimination communication and ‘pottytunities.’
Clever Parents: Why has the potty training age has changed so much in the last century?

Melinda and Elizabeth of DiaperFreeBaby: Probably because of two factors, the invention of the disposable diaper and new ideas in toilet training. Prior to the invention of the disposable diaper, parents (or, probably more accurately, mothers) were more motivated to get their children out of diapers because of the amount of work involved in cloth diapering at that time, Also, disposables do not allow the child to feel the sensation of wetness and parents are less inclined to change them often. Disposables are made to fit children much older than 3 years of age and the parenting mindset is currently one that treats potty training as something to do as quickly as possible, not as young as possible.

Toilet training is one aspect of parenting that appears to change over time, depending on what the experts are recommending. One of the most common methods today is based on the ideas of Dr. Benjamin Spock and later Dr. T. Berry Brazelton. This new method, referred to as “child led”, waits until a child shows signs of being ready to begin learning to use the toilet and was a response to the punitive, “parent centered” methods of the early 20th century.
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that children are not aware of their “toilet muscles” until around 12 months, and have little control until 18 months. This is a faulty premise based on experience with conventionally diapered and toilet trained children. Those who have used EC (eliminiation communication) are aware that children not only have awareness of these muscles, but are able to consciously release them and later control them, prior to 18 months.

Although the idea of when bladder and bowel control can happen is different, the idea that coercive and punitive methods are harmful is in agreement with EC. EC is a gentle method of communication that has the eventual result of toilet independence. It is more “family focused” than either “child led” or “parent centered” because it follows the interests and needs of both parent and child.

Whereas it used to be that children were potty trained by a year old (either due to strict practices OR the desire to not have to wash cloth diapers) the average age is now somewhere around 3 years of age.

CP: Is Diaper Free Baby a system with concrete steps or is it more of a school of thought with various methods and practices?

DFB: DiaperFreeBaby is not a method but rather, an organization that is based upon a particular philosophy regarding the care of infants and their elimination needs. This philosophy is more of a school of thought with the ability to be adapted to a variety of lifestyles. It can be done full time or part time, by working or stay -at-home parents, by married or single parents, with or without diapers, by small or large families and so on. The common belief is that babies are aware of their eliminations from birth and can maintain the awareness of their “toilet muscles” by learning how to release them. This awareness leads to gaining control of them as they grow. Though there are no concrete steps that must be followed, there are several practices that are common. These include looking for elimination signals either through observing physical signs, noting elimination patterns or following instincts and acting upon these by offering the child a chance to use the potty, toilet or other appropriate receptacle. More about the DiaperFreeBaby mission and philosophies can be discovered on our website - www.diaperfreebaby.org.
CP: My baby was born today, when should I start the Diaper Free Baby way and how long before my child is fully toilet trained?

DFB: You can start as soon as you and your baby feel ready. Some simple ways to start at birth are letting your baby spend some naked time on a waterproof pad while observing any elimination signs, making an associative “cue” sound during elimination, changing their diapers frequently, talking to them about what’s going on and offering the potty during likely elimination times such as upon waking or at diaper changes. Just spending time with your baby and getting to know them, is a great start.

As far as how long the process will take, there is really no way to know. All children are different and there are differences in the way each parent approaches EC to be able to tell. Also, each parent has their own definition of “toilet trained”. Many parents do find, however, that EC is more pleasant than full time diapering, provides a smoother transition through the toilet learning process and generally finishes earlier than “child led” methods.

It is important to remember that this is not a toilet training program – it is more about the communication, therefore you are already having “EC success” the moment you begin talking about it with your baby.

CP: If I my child is already, say, 18 months how long will it take?

DFB: A child over around 6 months is considered a “late-starter” and there will be similarities and differences to EC started in the early months. It is impossible to tell how long it will take because of differences in children, parents and other parenting factors. For example, whether or not the child has been wearing cloth or disposable diapers and how often their diapers were changed. Another factor might be if the child has seen adults using the toilet.

There is no way to predict how long it will take for your 18 month old to be toilet independent or even consistent in using the potty, but it is worth opening the lines of communication about elimination at any age!

CP: Does the system work the same for training older children as it does for younger ones?

DFB: The underlying philosophies are the same, but some of the techniques may be different. Older children, over about 6 months, are often “diaper trained” and have become accustomed to eliminating in their diapers. This often leads to a lack of awareness of the “toilet muscles” and a strong attachment to their diapers. Thus, there will be a portion of their learning experience spent on “untraining”. Pottying positions may be different with older children, as well, because they have more advanced motor and self-help skills.

CP: What purpose do the local groups serve? Best practices? Support?

DFB: Elimination Communication, though popular throughout time and geography, has become a “lost art” in North America and other parts of the world. The DiaperFreeBaby support groups offer advice about getting started, special situations and problem solving throughout different stages of EC. The Mentors and Contacts running the meetings have experience with EC and can answer many questions, help find resources and demonstrate potty positions. Meetings cover a variety of topics including getting started, starting with an older baby, nighttime EC and common stages.

CP: How can someone find or start a group?

DFB: The DiaperFreeBaby website lists local on-line and in-person groups, upcoming meetings and special events, as well as information on starting your own group by becoming a Mentor or Contact. Mentors and Contacts must meet certain experiential requirements, share our philosophy, and be willing to help others.

CP: Are there books that you would recommend for parents interested in Diaper Free Baby?

DFB: There are several great books on this method:

Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer offers personal experience and practical advice.

Infant Potty Training: A Gentle and Primeval Method Adapted to Modern Living by Laurie Boucke is a comprehensive book including guidelines, myths and testimonials from the USA and around the world.

Infant Potty Basics: With or Without Diapers-The Natural Way by Laurie Boucke includes the basics of Infant Potty Training from someone with experience.

CP: Is there a Diaper Free Baby manual?

DFB: There is currently no official DiaperFreeBaby manual, although that would be a great goal for the future. In the meantime, there are some wonderful resources on our website including articles, FAQs, links and pottying position pictures.

CP: Logistically, how do you handle being out with a diaper free baby who isn’t yet toilet trained?

DFB: There are a variety of ways parents deal with this although many families find that it is actually easier to be out than at home. If you carry your baby close to you (in a sling or in your arms) you may find you are more in tune with your baby while you are out. Many carry portable potties with them in their cars or baby bags. Some choose to use diaper back up when they are out and about.

Public bathrooms are easier to use with an ECed child since they don’t need to lie down on a changing table and can use the toilet to go just as they might at home . Many “scope out” the nearest bathroom when they get to their destination and often know the best public bathrooms around. Babies also will take advantage of “pottytunities” and therefore will use the potty before you get in the car, when you arrive, before you leave the store, etc.

Is DiaperFreeBaby for you? Melinda Rothstein and Elizabeth Parise share their additional thoughts on the benefits of the DiaperFreeBaby way, tips for getting started, and more…

Interested in learning more? Visit www.diaperfreebaby.org for a list of local groups, resources and links, and more.